Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Senior Sex

By Ginger Simpson (Guest Blogger)

Today I'm revealing two secrets. One: I’m so not the sexy type. No matter how hard I try to pretend, there is nothing about this sixty-five-year-old body that makes me think I could make a man shiver with desire. Therein lies the problem with being successful in writing erotica…at least from my POV. When I write, the characters tell me a story and I have to envision the concept to put it into words. There are just no words adequate enough to drag something sexy from this brain to my fingertips. All I can see is myself, and believe me, no one wants to share that image. Someone forgot to secure the baggage and the package shifted during travel. Seriously!

There once was a time when I could put on a black nightie and feel somewhat desirable, but that ship sailed…and I believe sunk some years ago. Truth is, age steals so many things from you that you’ve always taken for granted. All those graphic stories that tell of “his” manhood delving into her “moist” woman’s cave. HA! Once you become a senior citizen, if you don’t have a bottle of lube by the bedside, you’d better be prepared to scream…and not in ecstasy. Drier than dust comes to mind!

And those perky breasts! Maybe twenty years ago they were. Now they’ve migrated North and South. When an older woman is flat on her back, it’s not quite so easy to “capture a nipple" when her breasts reside in her armpits.

Once, I was flexible, now I’m arthritic. Sex is about as appealing to me as having a blood test. And of course, those positions that once brought delight now bring Charlie Horses and achy hips. Of course, some may say, “be on top.” NO friggin way! Then I keep flashing back to Dorothy’s advice to Blanche on the Golden Girls to bend over and look in a mirror. OMG! I did and I believe I’m a direct descendant of the Char Pei dog line. That didn’t do a darn thing for my missing self-esteem.

Oh, I know men could have sex with a knot hole, but I’ve always liked to think I was more attractive than a piece of wood. Now I’m not to sure, and sometimes, I actually wish we had a fence. *lol*

I think the main reason I can’t write erotica is that I’m a “behind the door” kind of girl—both in writing and my personal life. I love romance. I want to feel the attraction, the heat, but I like things left to my imagination. Close the door at that point and let me picture what goes on behind it. I don’t need to read about every lick, suck or plunge. Honestly, I don’t. But to those of you who do, and write or read it with such ease and comfort, I applaud you. I do have to mention that there are a few of my fellow authors who write with the door wide open and I love their style. Lisabet is one of those, Sloane Taylor is the other.

Erotica is a hot seller, but I guess I’ll miss the boat on this one. Same goes for fairies, werewolves, shape shifters, and vampires. Readers are really into fantasy, and if you throw in sex, you’re got a winning novel. Unfortunately, most of my characters pop out of the Old West, and in order to make the story somewhat believable, even if it is fiction, the author has to show the story to the reader. I can’t if I can’t imagine it. Besides, the only thing howling at the moon in my books is going to be a coyote, and if someone’s shape shifts, it’s because she’s with child. I can’t ever recall seeing a fairy or vampire on Little House on the Prairie or Bonanza, so I think I’ll stick with writing what I can see in my mind’s eye. I just had cataracts removed, but maybe that eye still has one.

Second secret revealed: Just so you know...I did FORCE myself to write an erotica book some time ago. I'm Pepper St. Claire. Writing the genre was one of the most difficult things I've ever done. Normally words flow with ease from my mind to my fingers, but, I really struggled to get the story finished. It's entitled Searchers and is still available at Whiskey Creek Press.

Ellora's cave rejected it back then because, GASP!!!!, my heroine had an affair. How offensive is that in this day and age? But, my rejection letter cited that the concept would be offensive to readers and not something they endorsed. Like I said in one of my humorous can have sex with a vampire, a hairy werewolf, or an alien in any body orifice, time-travel to another century and screw a count or duke, but God forbid your heroine actually strays to someone else's bed while she's married. That NEVER happens!

Thanks to Lisabet for letting me take up space today and hosting a stop on my blog tour. There's a little break between this one and my last tour appearance, but I hope you'll visit me at Lindsay Below's site at where I have no idea what I'll talk about, but I'm thinking I need to share some of Odessa with you since it's a February release and you may not have heard about it. In the meantime you can always visit my website and read about any of my books. And you're always welcome at my blog, Dishin' It Out. Never know what the heck (or who) you'll find there!

See you soon!



Brenda J Weaver said... your cryptic wording on senior sex! Although I am not yet a senior per se but I am getting close! And may not have seen fairies on Bonanza but they did have Leprechauns lol

Unknown said...

I just love your writing, you are so funny and make me laugh so much. It's always great to read the things you write. Shirley

Diane Scott Lewis said...

Ginger, having just read your erotica, you're so wrong that you can't write one. It's very sexy.
Your description of senior sex reminds me of my self...I need to work out!
But, you're right, men would screw anything. My husband is always chasing after me...then I look in the mirrow and ask...why? LOL

Amy Talbot said...

I LOVE OLD WOMAN SEX, and so does my 'old man'. Sure, we have saggy, baggy bits and we aren't as athletic as we once were, but we don't care. He calls me his sex goddess. Bring it on, I say, and thank you Durex for the fun new lubricants.

Lin said...

My Darling Ginger,

I don't know if I am lucky or not but I can write the steam, and so far my steam has left others a teeny bit hot and bothered There is now a huge disparity beween our ages. When I am to write the steam I just take a deep breath and damn the toredoes. It's easy, so you kee writing your humpr necause that mean a lot to the rest of us.

Lin said...

That's supposed to say there is NOT a huge disaprity between our ages. Falling asleep at the keyboard here.

Love You Ladies,

Unknown said...

Oh, I wondered where my breasts went. That must be them down around my waist. Hmm. And I think my backside moved to take my stomach's place. No wonder my slacks feel more comfortable if I put them on backwards.

All kidding aside, I think I could write erotica, ahem, under another name, but I never gave it a try yet. Maybe someday.

Fun post as usual, Ginger. Keep them coming. I love to giggle at your comments.

Roseanne Dowell said...

I'm with you, Ginger. Close the door! I don't want anyone watching (or hearing) me and I'll be darned if I want to see anyone else (or hear them). I have enough of an imagination to know what they're doing. I don't need the how or why of it. I love reading and writing romance, but to be honest, if I pick up a book with explicit love scenes, I actually skim over those parts. If I can't do it, I sure as heck don't want to read about it. LOL

Unknown said...

Thanks to everyone for visiting here today. I just wanted to share that I'm HAVE re-done Searchers and a newer improved version will be available there sooner or later. I'll keep you apprised. I realized there's a message in the book that makes it worth the effort.

Diane M. Wylie said...

What a surprise to find out that you were Pepper St. Claire! All these years I've known you and I never knew that little tidbit, Ginger. You sure can keep a secret!

I love your sense of humor. Not everyone can write humor, but you can, so don't worrry about passing up on the erotica!

She said...

Thanks for making me laugh. You paint a picture with your words (I'm getting there and you're right with some of your images.) Don't worry, I like reading about the West. I'll read sweet or erotic. All I want is a good story.

Marie Higgins said...

Ginger, you're so dang funny! I love reading your blog posts!


Maggie Dove said...

Loved the post, Ginger! You crack me up!

Nicola E. Sheridan said...

Oh you made me laugh! Great post. You've put a smile on my dial today :))

Lisabet Sarai said...

Hello, Ginger,

So sorry that I wasn't here to greet you! Yesterday I was busy from 7 AM until 10 PM with work stuff.

Thanks for joining me... and although I'm not yet officially a senior, I'm old enough to be having some of those problems...!

I'm looking forward to hosting Pepper St. Claire next week. Those of you who want to read an excerpt from Ginger's sexy alter ego, drop by on the 24th!


Randall Lang said...

Hi Ginger, you spicy minx!

You greatly underestimate the attractiveness of the older woman. For any man who is actually mature, (yes, I've heard all those jokes too) it's not about the body, it's about the shared experience. Yes there are difficulties, older men have them also, but if you surrender, you're giving up a wonderful part of life. Too bad you live so far away, practice makes perfect.

Watch for my new book coming shortly from Muse.
Lovers on a Train - He's 50 and divorced, she's 72 and twice widowed. Together they make sparks.

Randall Lang

Anonymous said...

Ginger - your are the spice of life, I'll tell you. I love hearing anything you have to talk about. You have such knowledge...and humor! LOL
I live vicariously through my characters - I'm also a behind closed doors, black as pitch, bag over my husband's head, kind of lover. Tee-hee

J.Q. Rose said...

Ginger is spicy just like Pepper. You are a clever gal and your writing is so easygoing and fun! I must disagree with your take on old folks sex. In my book, Sunshine Boulevard, there's plenty going on in that Florida retirement community. There's more to retirement than just golfing and shuffleboard games!!

Kathy Otten said...

Hi Ginger,
A sense of humor keeps us young, despite the saggy baggy skin. I'm rather fond of westerns too, and I personally like more action and romantic tension than jumping in bed at the drop of a hat. Best wishes.

Shawna Thomas said...

It takes all genres to make up the vast romance world. ; ) I do write erotica, but it doesn't flow as easily as some other sub-genres (no pun intended)

And I'm with you, I had a book rejected because the hero slept with a woman who was not the heroine. It really fit the character and the story so the MS remains in a cyber shelf. ; )

Good luck and thanks for a wonderful post!

Sara Durham Writer ~ Author said...

Oh Ginger, I almost choked on my coffee! 'That ship sailed, and maybe sunk' hysterical and so true. You know I remember there was a lot of heat between Miss Kitty and James Arnez in gunsmoke... but I just wonder if a hot werewolf snuck into your bedroom and wanted you, wouldn't you just grab that lube and say come on baby?!

Cheers, Sara

orelukjp0 said...

OMG. I was waiting for Jay Leno to come on stage at The Mirage when I read your column. I kept breaking out in laughter. Everyone around was looking at me. They didn't realize I had my own comedy show with your inciteful Senior Sex thoughts.
Thanks for making my night.

Larion aka Larriane Wills said...

as usual I did some chuckling reading Ginger. love that sense of humor.

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