Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Ash's Fire - Just Say No to 3TO

By Callie Gold (Guest Blogger)

Hi girlfriend!

So today I’m going to bitch about one of the most common, and hated, descriptions in an erotica book, ever. It goes like this:

(male:) Thrust, thrust, thrust.

(female:) screaming orgasm.

That’s it. Essentially, it’s a sex act that includes a very short session of thrusts of penis into vagina, immediately followed by an orgasm. No other stimulation. Perhaps kissing.

I call it 3TO. 3 Thrusts to Orgasm.

Ladies, the 3TO is slightly more imaginary than R2D2 or C3PO.

So now I get to discuss why I hate it so much. If you agree – write to me. If you disagree – write to me. If you hate me – go write your own blog.

Firstly – 3TO makes for very dull reading. Hello! I paid money for this book. I bought arousal potential and entertainment. Do you want to entertain me? Arouse me? 3TO is not the way to go about it.

Secondly – I can’t relate to 3TO. It doesn’t happen to me. Or to MOST of the women on this planet. Let’s talk about that for a bit.

Scientists have concluded that 75% of us women cannot come from stimulation to our vaginas alone. An additional 10% of us don’t have orgasms at all. That leaves 15% that come from penetration. So, obviously, the vast majority of us will read a 3TO scenario and won’t know what the hell that feels like. Much worse – we might feel inadequate reading it.

Once upon a time we were told that we should orgasm from penetration, missionary style. And good old Sigmund Freud (whose theories have been disproved for the most part), said that our frustrated sexual energy (due to our expectations to have orgasms from penetration) is – get this: Hysteria. Frustrated women not getting any orgasms from sex and prohibited from masturbating were called mentally ill. Way to go, Sigmund!

Then we were told that we have a clitoris and that we should get to know it so we can have orgasms. Great! We’re not psychos!

Then, research discovered that 75% of us, that’s three quarters, cannot come from penetration. Impossible. Like having an orgasm from rubbing the palm of our hand. Then we were told about the female g-spot, but later studies showed they haven’t found proof that it even exists. Then, finally, Hallelujah, men were told that they have to stimulate us to orgasm so we can enjoy ourselves just as much as they do.

And now, some scientists are saying that vaginal orgasms don’t exist at all, because it’s a clitoral orgasm reached from the inside. What the f***?
So let’s summarize: vaginal penetration is something that most of us can’t do.

So now the question returns to our erotica: Should we use it as reading / fantasy material?

I say, the hell we should. Here’s why:

First reason: if we don’t know what 3TO feels like, how can we fantasize about it?

Second reason: If 3TO is not how we orgasm, it won’t be arousing in a book. It won’t be as hot as it can be. If Hot Guy Brad was to rub Tiffany’s left palm, would she be screaming, “Oh, Oh, God, Here I Come!”? Yeah, right.

Third reason: since our erotic book is mostly about the guy, and since we want our fantasy Hot Guy to do it to us just the right way, he shouldn’t do 3TO more than once in a trilogy, maybe. He’s hot because he knows how to make our bodies jump with joy.

So let’s get rid of like, 90% of 3TO. Wouldn’t that be nice?

And then there’s also the aspect of harm to the young reader. If you are very young, my dear, and inexperienced, you may be misled by what you read. You might end up thinking that if you can’t come from penetration, well, then there must be something wrong with your body. And that’s a real shame.

There’s a whole other discussion here, about women tolerating the male-centrist point of view of 3TO, thus fitting into the male need of coming the same way they do. But I won’t go into that because we’re talking about fantasies, not politics. And also I’m not at my bitchiest today.

So here’s what I suggest:

Push that 3TO out of your vocabulary. Just say no to 3TO.

Tell your writer that 3TO should NOT be part of the smorgasbord of your erotic reading. Demand variety, diversity, imagination, kink, anything and everything, and leave maybe, 10% for the 3TO.

Wouldn’t that make our erotica so much better?

Write to me, girlfriend, tell me anything that pops into your mind. Talk to me!

Lots of love,

Ash’s Fire by Callie Gold

Smart and successful Attorney Jordan Cohen didn’t expect Sam, her husband and best friend, to invoke their old pact for non-exclusivity. But after twenty-some years together, he did.

A chance meeting with Ari Ash, the tall-dark-and-yummy internationally renowned concert pianist, sends Jordan into his arms. Ari’s mysterious ways and magical lovemaking pull the conflicted Jordan into a whirlwind affair.

When Ari is implicated in an execution-style murder, she wants to believe Ari is innocent, but one troubling fact after another keeps popping up. Jordan turns to the only man she can trust with her lover’s life – her brilliant criminal defense attorney husband.

Is Ari a killer?

When Ari is charged, Jordan fears the worst: a life sentence for her lover, exposure of her affair and the ruin of her law firm and irreparable damage to her husband’s reputation. But she can’t let go of Ari’s love…

With the trial just days ahead, Jordan races to save her lover, her husband and herself.

Desire, suspicion, love and loyalty all clash in the fast-paced Mediterranean city of Tel-Aviv.

Are you okay?” she asked, reigning in her instant desire for him, feeling the burden of the empty shelves in the empty apartment.

Keeping busy,” he texted.

How was your rehearsal?”

Better than yesterday,” Ari wrote.

That’s great,” she wrote back, and added another smiley. “I miss you.”

Me too,” he wrote. “I think of your hands caressing me.”

Lots of caressing waiting for you when you come back.” Ari knows how to cheer himself up, she thought, focus on the positive, on what he was doing, on the good things to come. And then she added, “I miss your hands, too.” She imagined his hands, big and strong and sensuous, more knowing than any that had ever touched her. She thought of his long menu of touches, from fluttering butterflies that landed and danced, to hungry lions, that pounced and devoured. From ticklish caterpillars that wriggled slowly, to finicky kittens that bumped exuberantly. His hands told innumerable stories, took her body on imaginary voyages. His hands knew how to fill her with fantasy, with excitement.

Where exactly do you miss them?” he asked.

It’s a very long list.” she answered, a smile pulling her cheeks up, her skin tingling. Jordan felt his hands on her face, caressing her gently, reaching into her hair, and then behind her neck, holding her head, nestling it. Ari’s hands knew how to sooth her pain, give her patience to wait for his return. She felt his hands waking her body, exciting it, make her blood heat and run faster in her veins.

I’m looking at your beautiful face now,” he wrote back, “I want you to do the same.”

Got it,” she smiled. “You XL piece of sweet caramel candy, you!” she said. “I wish I could be there to help you with the shelves.”

Me, too. You can hold, while I drill. Give me a hand?”

Ash’s Fire is on sale for 99 cents at Amazon, for the duration of Callie's tour. 

About Callie
Callie Gold is an Israeli married to an American. She admits that marrying her husband was the smartest decision she has ever made in her entire life. Together they have raised three beautiful children.

Callie is a lawyer, and a Jew, and what’s worse – an Israeli. That means that she’s an in-your-face kinda gal. There is no Hebrew word for ‘subtle’. Callie’s husband says that she has too many opinions, and he’s right. But she’s also open and friendly and very curious, and is known to start intimate conversations with the Falafel guy.

Since she stopped litigating, Callie’s husband says she’s become a much nicer person (Callie’s husband is almost always right, which makes living with him really good and seriously annoying, all at the same time).

When she’s not writing, Callie does divorce mediation and marriage counseling, which, she believes will save her a good seat in that place up there. She also cooks and bakes and you will always find home-baked bread in her freezer, next to the chocolate gelato that her husband makes. 
Callie writes because writing creates another life for her, a life in which she can do whatever she wants. In order to write she has become a time thief.
Above all, Callie is a lover of people and she can never get enough of human interaction. So feel free to start up a conversation with her!

Use the Rafflecopter widget below to enter Callie’s tour giveaway. The grand prize is a $50 bookstore gift certificate. 

Of course, you can increase your chance of winning by visiting her other stops:

November 3: Our Wolves Den
November 3: Wickedly Wanton Tales
November 4: Unabridged Andra's
November 5: You Gotta Read Reviews
November 5: Queen of the Night Reviews
November 6: Linda Nightingale...Wordsmith
November 7: The blog of C.R. Moss
November 7: A Book Addict's Delight
November 10: Christine Young author
November 11: BookSkater
November 12: It's Raining Books
November 13: Edgar's Books
November 13: Tina Donahue Presents
November 14: Long and Short Reviews
November 14: Paranormal Romance and Authors That Rock REVIEW
November 17: Sexy Adventures Passionate Tales
November 17: Wake Up Your Wild Side
November 18: Romance Novel Giveaways
November 19: Erotica For All
November 19: Punya Reviews...
November 20: Deal Sharing Aunt
November 21: Readaholic's Reviews
November 21: DRB1stChp Blog
November 24: Behind Closed Doors
also Laurie's Thoughts and Reviews
November 25: Cabin Goddess
November 25: The Buttontapper
November 26: Beyond Romance
November 27: Avid Book Collector
November 28: Harlie's Books Review
November 28: The Crafty Cauldron Review

a Rafflecopter giveaway


Unknown said...

Thanks for hosting me!

Goddess Fish Promotions said...

Thanks for hosting!

Lisabet Sarai said...

Hey, Callie,

Thanks so much for being my guest. This is a great post - I couldn't agree with you more. And I'm delighted to meet you! Maybe you'd like to come back some time in the future. I'd be happy to host you.

Unknown said...

Hi Lisabet,

Thank you so much for your kind words :)

And I would love to come back - that's so nice of you to offer!

If you'd like anther, original post for that time, that's also possible.


Anne said...

Sexual issues are just like any other health issue. You think they have it figured out and up pops new evidence that what we thought we knew was wrong. I recently read about the G-spot or lack thereof issue and the internal clitoral stimulation or clitoral "zone". Good grief!

Unknown said...

So very true! Great post, Callie.

Enchanting Reviews said...

excellent post and so very much spot on! Thanks for sharing

Michelle said...

Very good post and so accurate...

Unknown said...

thanks girlfriends!
lots more on my blog :)

Anonymous said...

I definitely agree--and there are only so many ways to write intercourse anyway! Good grief...

Trix, vitajex(at)Aol(Dot)com

Sherry said...

I really enjoyed the excerpt!

erin said...

great post!!! I totally agree :) Thanks for sharing!

H.B. said...

Wonderful post. The book sounds fantastic.

Mary Preston said...

A seriously fun post - if that makes sense.

Unknown said...

Hi friends,
Thank you for your kind comments, I had fun here :)
the tour ends tomorrow (and with it the sale price).

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