During
the past year, I’ve reclaimed a part of my identity.
After
nearly a decade of keeping my hair no longer than than my shoulders,
I’ve let it grow. It reaches halfway down my back now, at least
when it’s wet. As it dries, it frizzes and kinks, looking far less
luxuriant (and less well-groomed) but I still get a little frisson of
pleasure when I look at myself in the mirror these days.
I
have to admit that my newly extended locks present an incongruous
contrast to my age-creased, sagging face. Senior citizens don’t
normally sprout wild, hippie-like crops of hair like mine. But you
know, at some level I really don’t care. That’s one solace to
growing older. You start to realize you’re free to spurn
conventional standards when they don’t suit you.
Free.
That’s how my new hairstyle (if you can call this disordered frenzy
a “style”!) makes me feel. Despite the steamy climate in my
adopted country, I love the feeling of it swinging back and forth
behind me. Running my fingers through the tight curls makes me smile.
I’ve tried braiding it, with limited success, and I enjoy pulling
it into a ponytail. It’s almost as if I had a new toy.
I’ve
always appreciated long hair, on both men and women. The hero in my
first novel has a black ponytail reaching almost to his waist; the
heroine, a mop of ginger-hued curls. Undoubtedly I’ve been
influenced by the mythos of the sixties and seventies. I was in high
school when the “American tribal love-rock musical” burst on the
scene and hair became a symbol of youth and rebellion. Peace, love,
sex and hair became inextricably entwined in my psyche.
In
fact, I had long hair for much of my life (see, for instance, my
author photo, taken when I was in my twenties). When I started
regular salon visits to erase the increasingly prominent gray from my
hair, however, I also started getting it trimmed. I discovered that
my natural curl was easier to tame when my hair was short. I looked
(slightly) more professional and proper.
My
DH kept bugging me to stop the cutting. (Like me, he’s a product of
the sixties. Indeed, he lived through the Summer of Love, while I
just watched from the sidelines.) For some reason, I resisted, for
years.
So
what changed? I’m really not sure. It might be that I’m trying to
recapture my youth. It might be I just got bored with my short hair.
In any case, I’ve found the process rewarding. Even empowering.
I’d
love to have hair down to my waist, or longer. It’s not going to
happen; I gather that the maximum length of a person’s hair is
genetically determined. Mine is probably pretty close to its limit.
Nevertheless, I fantasize about being Rapunzel.
In
fact, here’s a few paragraphs from “Shorn”, a re-telling of
that classic which I wrote for Kristina Wright’s 2012 anthology Lustfully Ever After. I think it will give you a sense of my feelings
about my own hair.
***
Do
not believe what you hear of me. It was not to preserve my chastity
that I was imprisoned here, in this amusingly phallic tower with its
sealed entrance and single window. I have not been a virgin for
years; even my father knows that. In the cesspit of hypocrisy that is
his court, no one cares what goes on behind closed doors. Only
appearances matter.
And
appearances are what landed me here in this unorthodox prison. I'm
confined to this aerie because despite all blandishments and threats,
I refused to cut my hair.
In
a society like ours, valuing external neatness and order above else,
my wild auburn locks are an offense to public decency, or so my royal
parents would like me to believe. My father's crown rests upon a bald
pate, shaved daily. My mother and sisters wear pale helmets of curls
that are clipped back whenever they grow beyond the earlobes. Every
proper citizen plucks, trims, waxes and shaves to eliminate any hint
of the hirsute.
Not
I. I love my hair, not just the luxurious tresses that flow over my
shoulders and down to the floor, but the rest, too: my unfashionably
bushy eyebrows, the soft tufts gracing my armpits, the wiry tangle
that hides my sex. My hair is a source of my power. My father
suspects as much. An ancient prophecy says the kingdom shall one day
be lost to a red-haired sorceress and he fears I am the fulfillment
of that promise.
***
In
the end, Rapunzel gives up her hair for love of her prince. However,
she knows it will grow back.
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