By Shanna Germain (Guest Blogger)
When I’m not writing sexy stories or getting naked with the one I love, I can usually be found playing online role-playing games (like the geek that I am). While role-playing games are a draw for me in terms of creativity and storytelling, they’re also a draw for me due to their thriving alternative community. Because online games offer a (fairly) safe and anonymous way to try out different orientations, kinks and genders, they attract huge numbers of people who want to experiment, explore and learn more about their sexualities. A lot of players create characters that are bisexual, gay, submissive, dominant, or somewhere in between. Furries and demons and tentacles abound in sexual scenarios. Some online communities even cater to the large BDSM gaming population with in-game props like paddles, whips and handcuffs. But it isn’t just the player’s characters who are exploring their sexuality in role-playing games. Often the players behind the toons go “out of character” to talk to each other about sex. Because I play in a way that isn’t entirely anonymous (many players know that I write erotica), I often find myself fielding intimate questions about sexuality, and particularly about kinky sexuality.
Once, while talking to a younger player whose character was a slave trader known throughout the game for being a kinky dom with a penchant for bondage and pain, he mentioned something about his real-life girlfriend. During the conversation, it came to light that he was, in his words, “only dominant in-game. In real life and real love, I’m strictly vanilla.” While that didn’t entirely surprise me – gamers often play characters that don’t share our exact interests – the phrase “in real love,” wasn’t one I’d heard before.
It was only later, during another conversation, that I gained a clearer understanding of what he’d meant. He said he was going to have to stop playing the game, because he’d asked his girlfriend to marry him and she’d said yes. I still didn’t get the connection. “Because you can’t have that kind of sex when you’re married,” he clarified. “Kinky sex is great for a girlfriend or a game, but not for love.”
That was the first time I’d heard someone put it in those terms. At the time, I’d chalked it up to the misunderstandings of youth. Since then, however, I’ve heard a number of people of all ages lament their inability to have both kink and romance. They don’t believe it’s possible to have both in the same relationship. As I mention in the introduction to Bound by Lust, it’s a modern version of the Madonna/whore syndrome. You fuck the kinky girl, but you marry the vanilla one, and ne’er the twain shall meet.
Of course, this is a fallacy. Those who have found both – either in the same person or in an open relationship that meets their needs – know that naughty and nice are two sides of the same coin, or in this case, the same person. And it pains me to think that there are people in the world who believe the two are mutually exclusive, and are going without one of those things in order to have the other.
That conversation with my fellow player, and with other kinky friends and colleagues, was a large part of the inspiration for Bound by Lust. I wanted to create a book that, first and foremost, was incredibly sexy and dirty. But I also wanted to create a book that would give hope to kinky romantics everywhere, a book that would showcase all the ways in which dirty sex and sweet love can be true bed mates. Some of the stories in Bound by Lust highlight that tender and scary moment where a loved one comes out of the kink closet in the hopes of finding acceptance in their relationship. Others show long-term loving couples who are happiest when binding each other both physically and mentally.
I know the feeling. Give me a paddle and a pair of cuffs and I’m happy. Give me a paddle, a pair of cuffs, and the heart of the one I love, and I’m over the moon. It took me a long time to find that perfect combination, that part is certainly true. But I’m glad I didn’t give up.
Alison Tyler says that “Bondage With Someone You Love” should be a category of Hallmark cards, and I fully agree. Whether we want to bind and spank the love of our life, cross dress with our wife, or go down on our knees for the man who holds our heart, we can have it all.
Bound by Lust isn’t just a
book title; it’s a possibility for every one of us with kinky,
romantic hearts.
