Friday, March 28, 2014

Sneak Peek: Doctor How and the Illegal Aliens by Mark Speed

[I've got another sneak peek for you today, and another chance to win fifty bucks worth of books! Check out Mark Speed's hilarious scifi parody, Dr. How and the Illegal Aliens. Then use the Rafflecopter widget at the end of the post to enter the giveaway. ~ Lisabet]


Doctor How’s famous megalomaniac brother Doctor Who sold his fictional life story to the BBC half a century ago, painting himself as a lone hero. Disillusioned, their four cousins dropped out. For fifty years, Doctor How has held the line against the forces of darkness and stupidity. And he’s not that happy, since you ask.

Illegal aliens try to hack How’s Spectrel (TARDIS is a very rude word where he comes from), just as he suspects his estranged cousin Where has been compromised. When reports come in of mysterious attacks by alien creatures, Doctor How has to rely on his new companion Kevin, a petty criminal from south London, and Trinity, a morphing super-predator, as he counters this threat to humanity’s existence. Bungling agents from MI16, long desperate to capture the Time Keeper’s technology, hamper How’s efforts to combat the alien menace. Can Doctor How keep ahead of MI16, save Where and combat the alien threat?


Kevin lowered his window and said, “Come on, Doc. We haven’t got all night.”

Where honked lightly twice, and Kevin laughed.

Doctor How smiled and took a couple of steps towards the cab.

There was a crash from inside the house, and the sound of splintering wood. The Doctor whipped around to see the sofa burst through the front window and tumble into the garden. It came to a stop upside down against the wall. He took a couple of steps back, pulled out his Ultraknife and held it towards the house.

Get in the bleedin’ cab and let’s go!” yelled Where.

I want to know what it is. Kill the headlights.”

Kill the headlights? You’ll kill us all. Get inside!” Nevertheless, Where turned off the headlights.

Get in, Doctor!” shouted Kevin.

The wall beneath the living room window collapsed outward in a cloud of dust, and the radiator that sat underneath it fell with a resonating clang onto the rubble. Water gushed out of a piece of broken central heating pipe.

A pair of black antennae waved through the dust. They were followed by two interlocking pairs of black mandibles two feet wide that scythed back and forth in the night air.

Oh, you absolute beauty,” said the Doctor, lowering his Ultraknife a fraction.

Oi, nutter! Get in the bleedin’ cab, will ya?” Where turned the headlights back on, lighting up the rest of the creature. It was six feet wide and six feet tall, with a rounded shiny black body.

I wish you hadn’t done that,” said Kevin. “Get in, Doc. Let’s go!”

It’s after you, cousin,” said Doctor How. Or your Spectrel. Or your cab. Or all three.”

Well, I don’t want to stick around and find out which, do I? Get in, you bleedin’ maniac!”

The Doctor opened the door and got in the front beside his cousin, who jammed the vehicle into reverse just as the creature edged forward a few feet, to where the cab had been two seconds before.

Wait!” said the Doctor. He slammed the cab into neutral and jerked the handbrake.

About the Author

Mark Speed has been writing novels since he was fifteen. His comedy writing has appeared in newspapers as diverse as the London Evening Standard and The Sun, and been broadcast on BBC Radio 4 Extra. He performed his solo comedy, The End of the World Show, at the Edinburgh Fringe in 2011 and 2012. He is currently working on the five-volume Doctor How series.

Amongst other postgraduate and professional qualifications, he has a Master’s degree in Creative Writing from City University, London. In 1995 a chiropractor told him he’d never run again. Sensibly, he gave up chiropractors, runs every day and has completed several marathons and a couple of Olympic-length triathlons.

NLP founder Dr Richard Bandler called him a ‘polarity responder’.



a Rafflecopter giveaway


Mark Speed said...

Hi Everyone, thanks to Lisabet for hosting me today and to Goddess Fish for arranging. I look forward to answering your questions today.

Karen H in NC said...

I just have to giggle everytime I read something about this book. I like the Dr How website banner too...especially the underworld reflection of the London skyline and the London Eye! with the spider!

Lisabet Sarai said...

Hello, Mark! Welcome to Beyond Romance! Your book definitely sounds like it fits the theme of "beyond"...!

I'm delighted to host such a clever and original tale.

Goddess Fish Promotions said...

Thanks for hosting!

Elise-Maria Barton said...

Mark do you have any plans of releasing this on audiobook? Reading the line “Oi, nutter! Get in the bleedin’ cab, will ya?” makes me think listening to Dr.How would be more fun than me trying to imagine the Brit accent throughout the book! Lol

ilookfamous at yahoo dot com

Naomi Bellina said...

I always suspected there were more members of the Dr. Who family. Looks like a great book!

Anonymous said...

It's a really fun excerpt!


Rita said...

Sounds like a fun read.


joye said...

I liked this column since I got introduced to an author I have yet to read. The book sounds like a fun read.

MomJane said...

This book sounds like such fun to read. I can hardly wait.

Mark Speed said...

Thanks for your comments today everyone. Yes, Elise-Maria I'll probably record an audiobook myself - I'm a trained voiceover artist. Naomi, yes - that's what always struck me: the BBC always had other Time Lords, but his family were never mentioned.
I have to go now, thanks for hosting Lisabet, and to Goddess Fish for arranging everything.

Kimberly Bea said...

This is so funny! I'll admit it, I've been a Whovian for 30 years or so, but the show definitely has a sense of humor about itself, and this is great!

H.B. said...

Sounds like a really fun read. Great excerpt!

Mary Preston said...

The cover & title pique my interest that's for sure.

E.L. F. said...

Looks like a wonderful tongue-in-cheek story! Thanks for the giveaway.

tammy ramey said...

thank you for the chance at such a great contest. i love the humor in the excerpt. i always love a book that can make me laugh out loud.

tammy ramey

bn100 said...

Fun excerpt

Amy Hart said...

The giveaway! Thanks for the chance.

J Bur said...

Enjoyed the excerpt. I'm a Doctor Who fan & this sounds really funny. Thanks for the giveaway.

Post a Comment