Review Tuesday: Life After Promiscuity: A BDSM Love Story by Dorothy Freed #ReviewTuesday #BDSM #Memoir

Life After Promiscuity: A BDSM Love Story by Dorothy Freed

Wordwooze Publishing, 2024

Life After Promiscuity is an erotic memoir that describes in delicious, explicit detail the author’s decades-long involvement in a committed D/s relationship. Ms. Freed (“D” to her master) met her Sir at a public BDSM event in 1970’s San Francisco. Before that fateful night, she’d known she was excited by kink, but she hadn’t dared act on her desires. She was fortunate to connect with an experienced dominant who recognized her submissive yearnings and whose outrageous fantasies complemented her own. Over the years, her beloved Sir educated her, challenged her, disciplined her when she was bratty or disobedient, and above all, cherished her.

There’s a lot of sex in this book, but the main draw, for me, is the emotional connection between D and Sir. People sometimes talk about kink in terms of “playing”, and indeed D/s scenes can be light or humorous at times, but commitment takes the intensity to another level. This is serious D/s, life-changing and life-affirming, a mutual collaboration to deepen trust and expand limits. Occasionally Sir would allow D to be used by others; she even (with his blessing) explores her dominant side. None of this undermines the fact that D belongs to Sir – willingly and joyfully.

I recognize that joy from my own experience as a submissive.

Unsurprisingly, the book has a retro feel, commencing as it does in the swinging seventies when kink culture was flourishing. Indeed, the entire genre of kinky erotic memoir feels a bit dated in 2024. Since Fifty Shades of Gray, BDSM themes and aesthetics have thoroughly infiltrated mainstream media and culture. Is there anything new or original that can be said? Is D/s still viewed as transgressive and perverse, or has everyone been spanked?

Ms. Freed doesn’t really care about this. She’s focused on her own journey, which she describes with an artless enthusiasm that is touching and a bit amusing. I’m sure it isn’t the case that every one of her sentences ends in an exclamation point, but that’s the tone of the story. Her life with Sir provides both psychological revelations and physical pleasure. She’s perennially excited and she wants to share that with us.

The book is structured as a loosely connected chronological set of anecdotes which includes her first lesbian lover and her experiments with the role of Domme. Every one of them is fun to read about. The last chapter, though, moved me deeply. She describes a (recent?) event that she and Sir attended, where they were decades older than most of the participants. Her hair is gray and she has difficulty kneeling for long periods. He uses a cane and cannot always command the iron erections he used to display. Nevertheless, the spirit of their power exchange endures – her blissful surrender and his grateful acceptance of that gift. Given that my age more or less matches theirs, this had real personal resonance.

Life Beyond Promiscuity is not a philosophical book; I’m bringing in my own perspectives here. For me, D/s is not about bodies or toys or even sexual pleasure. It’s about connection, trust, and mutually satisfying, complementary desires.

Dorothy Freed doesn’t dwell on this truth. But it’s clear that she knows and celebrates it.