Monday, December 18, 2023

The Splendificent Christmas Collection – #UrbanFantasy #Erotic #Humor

Splendificent Christmas Collection cover

Today I’m featuring the outrageous, hilarious boxed set of Christmas tales by the irrepressible Dacy Alex. Not politically correct, not tasteful, but so much fun!

It’s always better to be naughty than nice

In this hilarious yet wickedly raw collection of Christmas tales, the supernatural co-eds of the Hot Squad learn the true meaning of the holiday: getting all you can get while the getting’s good!

Oh Come All Ye Lustful

Giselle Nyfall, an average college student with above-average-sized boobs and a truly monumental propensity for destruction, offers herself as a holiday feast for a particular Prince Charming. Somehow the bumbling babe triggers a holiday curse that turns her Romeo into a monster uglier than a Christmas sweater.

Santa Claus is Going to Town

Seduced by the promise of a special holiday present, high-elf Princess Tristabelle finds herself kidnapped by Santa's dirty-minded elven minions. When trash-talking Daddy Santa himself takes an interest in the leggy bimbo’s Christmas cookie, it’s up to her dysfunctional but magically endowed royal siblings to rescue the damsel in tinsel.

Demons We Have Heard on High

Down in the fiery pits of Hell, Satan’s scheme to rid Earth of the Christmas spirit ravages one Midwestern college town and overtaxes Hell’s social services system. At his wit’s end, Lucifer sends his granddaughter, half-succubus/half-vampire Fleur Flannagan, to save the town and Christmas. Faced with a plague of homicidal teddy bears, a jealous but well-hung African demi-god, and assorted other sex-crazed, Christmas-hating heathens, luscious demonness Fleur feels right at home.

Grab your eggnog and settle in for a long winter’s night or two with the bodacious babes of the Hot Squad. They know how to put the X in Xmas!

Excerpt from “Demons We Have Heard on High”

The chant of the heads hung from the glittery pink Christmas tree, “Becky, Becky, Becky, Christmas Eve, Becky, Becky, Becky, Christmas morning.”

Doesn’t it sound nice? Jason,” a chilly female voice asked.

The owner of such frosty words appeared from behind the tree, head on a hook in hand.

She stood taller than Fleur and was almost as gorgeous. Her blond hair flowed nearly to her waist, her blue eyes were deep and dark as opposed to Fleur’s faint and pale ones, her breasts were modest though barely hidden behind a red sequined gown. That gown stretched only past her sex, showing off leggy goodness.

Her lips were thin, the opposite of Fleur’s full red ones.


Baby, that’s Lady R!” A bugabear with a Santa hat and silver chains around his neck spoke. “Don’t go violating the Christmas rules, baby.”

Buggy,” Fleur stated flatly.

The vampire-demon chick? Baby, it’s great to meet you. We got a fine selection of humans on offer. Let’s do dinner, baby.”

Becky, what’s going on?” Jason shouted, his knees buckling.

Couldn’t I ask you the same thing? I killed you, and you’re talking to me.”

You…you….killed me?”

I really am sorry, Jace, but you weren’t using your witch powers anyway. Total waste if you ask me.”

How did….how did you know I was a witch?”

Someone want to tell me what the fuck is going on?” Fleur barked, her haunting eyes meeting Becky’s lively ones.

Baby, baby, there’s no need to get upset. It’s Christmas!” Buggy explained as he poured himself a glass of eggnog mixed with blood.

Hey, Smokey the Cocksucker, you were supposed to erase the Christmas spirit. Instead, all you did was twist it to meet your own needs. You work for Satan, not Hallmark.”

Baby, you know how it goes. I got a better offer.”

Who gave you a better offer than the King of the Christian underworld?”

That would be me. Lady Rebecca, necromancer.”

Now Jason’s knees gave out. He collapsed on his fire extinguisher, “Why? Why? WHY, BECKY, WHY?”

Because I am sick of playing the good girl role for my good guy Jesus freak boyfriend! I am a necromancer, I raise the dead, I deserve some praise for that, don’t I? Why do I have to sit on the sidelines and root for my going nowhere, future-insurance-salesman boyfriend? I deserve the spotlight! I deserve so much more than to be the girlfriend of a quarterback that no one will remember after the season! I am way out of your league, Jason. Way out.”

Me and this necro chick met at the same Leyline coincidentally,” Buggy passed Fleur a glass of bloodnog. “I told her what I needed the Leyline for, and she said she had a better idea, she just needed my help to make it happen.”

So why did you kill him?” Fleur asked, pointing to Jason.

I needed a pure soul to corrupt the Leyline and spread the negative ether.”

You can do that?” Fleur was impressed despite herself.

I can do anything, even acting like I love some redneck meathead quarterback. I stabbed Jason in the back, literally. Instead of raising his body to zombie status, I took his soul and smeared it with shit, and sent it into the Leyline but with a necromancer flair.”

And that’s how he wound up in Hell. Still, Buggy, what do you get out of this?”

Didn’t you see, baby? We Bugabears are thriving and surviving out there, baby! Christmas is our time, baby, the bugabear time! Pretty soon, the whole world will be in the Christmas spirit. And you know what that means don’t you? Bugabears welcomed and loved everywhere in the world!”

I don’t know if you’ve noticed, Paddington, but you’ve got zombies chowing down on humans, and your kind is butt fucking the fleet from Hertz Rental Car.”

We have some kinks to iron out,” Becky admitted, towering over Jason. “Ah, but maybe with Jason back to life…hhehehehe….would you like to help me, Jace? Jaceycakes?”

Shut up.” Fleur’s voice was clear and authoritative.

Jaceycakes, who is this woman?”

I’m Fleur Flannagan, princess of Hell, granddaughter of Satan, and you’re staring down a flaming revolver, so either take a walk or die.”

Jaceycakes?” Becky ran her fingers along the top of Jason’s head, “Did this woman bring you back to life? If she’s a princess of Hell I bet she can do that. And I wonder how you repaid her? Did you…fuck her? Oh no of course you didn’t. You’re saving that little thing for when WE get married. But we won’t be getting married, so I guess you’ll remain a virgin forever!”

The heads on the Christmas tree enjoyed a merry chuckle.

Becky, Becky, Becky…” Fleur chortled. “You show a scholar’s understanding of the finite artistry of being an obnoxious, average-at-best, six-in-the-face bitch. Now let me show you what we do to your kind in Hell.”

Get your copy today!

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