By A P von K‘ory (Guest Blogger)
Writing romance novels, I lend words to some pretty “hairy” relationships. Conflict by the heaps because that’s what it’s all about, or I wouldn’t have a story readers want to devour.
But all roads of the character arc lead to HEA, right?
So when the HEA is reached, my heroine is aware that there are still rules to adhere to because we’re all very different individual beings. Compromises must be made where called for. I never allow my heroines to make sacrifices or tolerate anything purely to “make him happy”. Nor do I let her suffer in silence “in the name of love”. Secretly, I actually believe that my hero has the “duty” to be the one making sacrifices and being tolerant to make her happy. Yes, I’m totally woman, old- or new-fashioned.
I’m not a fan of misogynists in whatever veiled shade, shape or inclination. I’ve seen my bestie heartbroken and in bitter fights with her own child because the pubescent girl (thank Internet and our smart kids) asked mother dear whether rape, beating, tying up, burning with candles and letting the boy/man wrap his hands around her throat and choke her was the norm in sex? And was that how dad and mother dear made her?
The girl, in resolute disgust, swore off sex forever.
That said, my heroines don’t fall into that trap so many women end up in, namely, that when he does something good or loving, it cancels out all the bad. Like in real life, that never works in the end, it simply becomes a habit and with that comes resignation. Mutual consent is not the equivalence of a restaurant’s “all you can eat”. I make sure my heroine has an alternative safeword for “this isn’t what I thought it was or imagined it would be like”, when a situation crops up that hadn’t been anticipated and shouldn’t happen in any circumstance. A heroine’s consent isn’t “all inclusive”.
And compromises are not made solo.
Here are ten things I make sure my heroine would never tolerate, and my heroine’s man would never, ever dream of doing:
1. Prince Charming or Bad Boy, he’d never hold her past against her.
2. Despite his family, himself or (if he has them) even his children, she remains his Numero Uno of all Numero Unos. She comes first and at his side when he needs to take care of the family, children or even needs some alone time for himself. She’ll never be the spare wheel, never left in the back seat.
3. He’d never wrinkle his nose, accuse her or call her names because of her sexual desires or preferences. Of course she’ll tell him about them. It’s where the relationship runs healthy on mutual compromises.
4. Likewise, he’d never expect her to fulfill all of his fantasies. People are too individual as human beings and will never end up with a loved one who is precisely like them in the fantasy department.
5. Even while angry, he’d never turn that anger on her by belittling or humiliating her. If he’s stewing within, he’ll still treat her with respect. He’d never talk down to her or speak to her with total disregard of her feelings. Even in a BDSM relationship, fundamental humanity is prerogative in the couple’s shared life. It’s why people describe it as “role playing”. Shared normal and everyday life and love isn’t role playing.
6. He’d never toss the I’m-not-talking-to-you BS at her. I’m personally very averse to withdrawal as a form of physical and emotional punishment and I project this on my heroines. Whatever stress, quarrel or disagreement he’s had with her or with someone or something else, using coldness as punishment is one of the unhealthiest traits in a relationship. In a non-toxic relationship, he’ll tell her why he wants to be alone, however long that might be. She might fret with concern but she’ll be aware of the reason why he wants his privacy.
7. He’d never be frivolous or cavalier about her feelings. A man intent on a healthy relationship will not discount her feelings constantly, making her wonder if there is something wrong with her.
8. He won't make fun of her in front of friends. My heroine jolly well knows the difference between fond teasing and malicious commentary, however jocular.
9. He’d never skirt around soothing her fears or insecurities. Instead, he’ll help her face her fears head-on particularly after a confrontation between the two of them, or a nasty situation or occurrence that unsettled her. The unhealthy man doesn’t have time to make you feel better, nor does he care why you’re upset. I never let my heroine tolerate any of this but rather speak out about her feelings on the subject.
10. My heroine will never tolerate a selfish man. A good loving man can give back without any selfishness wedged in. He wants to give her his all, and willing to give up what doesn’t make her happy. He wants to be his best self to her. He’s healthy enough to take but also give back, and ready to apologize if he acts selfishly. Best of all, he’s ready to change his behavior exclusively for her happiness.
Their Untameable Passion (Untameable, Book 3)
LEO
When
I first met Adrian, I felt him rip off my platinum armor and spear
into every one of my senses right to the marrow. Even the first sound
of his voice snaked past my eardrums to settle in my viscera like
warm gossamer dropped from a height. All my warning signs went
full-blast klaxons. I should have paid them better attention. But I
was Leontine Nigella Boswell, the Wall Street ball-crusher. I fed on
a few men each morning for f***ing breakfast and another ton of them
for my in-between snacks. I’d been done and dusted with men
forever. Then I let Adrian in because I couldn’t not let him in. I
thought I had this under control. Huge mistake.
I didn’t
factor in my ginormous trust issues with God and the universe. Which
is what has led to my powerful worst enemy plucking me off the street
like an abandoned baby. I never thought I'd need anybody but myself
to get me out of a spot. Now I need Adrian. At any price. Because
I’ve started a war with more battlefields than I could cover
without him. But I've no idea where he is, no means to contact him.
All the more reason to fight till I can't...
ADRIAN
I’m
a licensed killer trained by the best in the world: Royal Marine
Commando. I get away with murder. Those are the only differences
between me and Phantom’s ruthless killers.
Leo and I played
dangerous power games in global high finance with the international
organized crime billionaire kingpin Phantom. To smoke him out of
hiding.
Now Phantom has kidnapped what I’ve ordained mine.
His f***ing suicide mission.
I’ve licensed myself to
slaughter Phantom and all his killers who cross my path. But I first
of all have to find out who and where the f*ck Phantom is. Find out
where he’s keeping Leo captive. And I’ll stop the bloody Second
Coming until I find her.
This is a dark steamy romance.
It contains adult themes and material that might be triggering to
some readers.
Now available for pre-order – only $1.99!
https://www.amazon.com/Their-UNTAMEABLE-Passion-VON-KORY-ebook/dp/B0BS486SD5
About the Author
The multi-award-winning author A P Von K'Ory was born in Kisumu, the capital city of Luoland, Kenya, to the Luo royal houses of K'Orinda and Yimbo. She was sent to a public (which means private, outside of the UK) school in Yorkshire, England when she was too young to say "sod off". She studied Economics, Literature, and Journalism in London, graduating with firsts as a journalist from the London School of Journalism, as well as an economist from the London School of Economics.
Love took her to Bavaria, Germany where she further studied Germanistics and German-specific Economics and Socio-Philosophy. Her most recent personal achievement is her Ph.D. in Sociology and Geo-Politics in Germany, making her total number of doctorates five. She regards knowledge as a lifelong quest of learning something new.
Writing entered her world when A P was about five and never left. Apart from her numerous and published articles, theses, and papers, A P's first novel and personal favorite, Khiras Traum, was published in 2004 in German. There followed eight romance novels, including the award-winning Bound to Tradition trilogy. Her nonfiction book Darkest Europe and Africa's Nightmare: A Critical Observation of Neighboring Continents was published in New York.
In between other jobs (e.g. working as a cleaner in a mental asylum in northern Germany - great plots there just waiting for her!) and as a freelance journalist since 1980, she gives lectures and seminars in various German, Austrian, and Swiss universities, colleges and high schools on topics ranging from socio-economy in Africa, Business English, African literature and the socio-ethnological conflicts in the traditions of Africans and Europeans in particular, and the West in general.
A P is the winner of six awards from four continents, the last one being the Achievers Award for African Writer of the Year 2013 in the Netherlands. The Selmere Integration Prize was awarded her in 2014 for her engagement in helping African Women in the Diaspora cope with a variety of domestic and social problems. The Proposal, a short story, won the Cook Communications first prize in 2010 and is published in an American anthology Africa 2012. In 2012, she won the Karl Ziegler Prize for her commitment to bring African culture to Western society in various papers, theses, and lectures. Again in 2012, her book Bound to Tradition: The Dream was nominated for the 2012 Caine Prize by the Author-me Group, Sanford, and in 2013 she was shortlisted for the Commonwealth Writers Prize.
Born blue-blooded, her large extended family stretches from the Nilotes of Eastern Africa to France and the Walloons (Belgium) of Western Europe. She lectures Economics and Sociology in Austria, Germany and Switzerland. She’s migratory and – weather willing – lives in Germany, France, Cyprus, and Greece.
She may be reached at any of the following:
https://www.twitter.com/Apky11162
http://facebook.com/AuthorAPVonKOry
http://facebook.com/groups/AWITD
http://facebook.com/groups/AfricRomance
http://facebook.com/KOrindaYimbo
http://facebook.com/akinyi.yimbo
http://facebook.com/Professionaless62bloggerP
