I was reading a book for review purposes a few days ago when something brought me up short. The author was in the midst of a hot and heavy sex scene. The narrator is unbelievably aroused and dying for the hero. She thinks "Condom?"--and then decides that she doesn't really want one, not just because of her reluctance to break the mood, but from the perverse desire to have unprotected sex.
Something in me screamed: "Irresponsible!" I had a visceral reaction to this decision on the character's part. I can understand that a sexual fantasy might want to ignore the danger of AIDS. Who wants to focus on negatives in the midst of passion? But for the author to bring the issue up and then dismiss it--well, I was quite surprised by my own negative reaction.
Fiction is just that. I don't subscribe to the notion that authors need to worry that their readers will try to turn their stories into reality. A book about a serial killer does not create murderers. A book that features wild, raw, bareback sex doesn't necessarily encourage readers to indulge in unsafe activities. We have to assume that our readers are rational adults. And we're not here primarily to teach them about safe sex. So why did this passage bother me so much?
I guess I was turned off by the heroine's attitude. Even if she didn't care about herself, I would have liked her to consider the question of her partner. I suspect that the author was trying to add to the intensity of the scene, but for me it had the opposite effect.
For authors of erotica and erotic romance, safe sex presents a problem. I grew up and became sexually active in the "golden age"--after the Pill and before AIDS. I hate the fact that, these days, something as enjoyable and life-affirming as sex can kill you. I despise condoms as much for the way they kill the spontaneity in a scene as for the way they feel.
Even so, I feel uncomfortable writing a scene that includes unsafe sex, unless it's clear that I'm writing total fantasy, or I'm writing a committed, monogamous couple. Sometimes, of course, a rash and deliberate choice to ignore safety is an important part of the characterization (though more in erotica than in romance). Otherwise, though, I'll at least mention condoms, especially in scenes between individuals who do not know each other well. Anything else seems odd, old-fashioned, and yes, irresponsible. Much of my work is realistic and contemporary. In the twenty first century, I just can't pretend AIDS doesn't exist.
I would love to know what readers think. Does mentioning safe sex kill the magic for you? Does unprotected sex ring alarms? Or am I shooting myself in the foot, driving away my readers, by insisting that my heroes use condoms?
What's your opinion?
