Joy is a signal you can trust - #epiphany #fun #intuition #joy

 Image by Artturi Mäntysaari from Pixabay

A few months ago, I had an “aha!” moment. I’d been feeling terribly stressed due to increased demands at my job and my author commitments, plus some impending travel that was going to make it even the more difficult to fulfill my obligations. I was obsessing about everything, when it hit me: even though I have way too much to do, I enjoy almost all of the tasks on my long list —writing, teaching, research, making covers, reading, writing reviews, creating blog posts, entertaining friends, sending birthday cards, cooking, even exercising. When I asked myself what I’d give up, if I had to make a choice, I really didn’t have a good answer.

That realization flipped my thinking and drained some of the stress. First, I felt a surge of gratitude that my life is so full of meaningful activity and so rich in joy. Second, I understood that joy is a reliable signal as to whether you’re on the right path.

If it’s not fun, you’re doing it wrong.

Am I talking about sex? Yes. Writing? Yes. Keeping fit? That too.

The Calvinistic/Puritan tradition views life as bitter and hard, an exercise in self-denial, a continuous series of trials one must endure in order to reach the promise of Paradise in the hereafter. I just don’t buy that. It doesn’t make sense, and it doesn’t match my personal experience.

For me, life is something to celebrate, a continuous unfolding, a twisting and often surprising path. And when I’m wondering which branch to follow, I’ve learned to turn within first, to ask myself how the path feels. Does it feel right? Does it generate joy?

I remember when I got my first job in my second career. (I’ve had several since.) I had no prior professional experience in this field, just a couple of university courses. I got hired on the strength of my academic credentials. When I started working, though, something clicked. I really “got” the concepts. I found I had an aptitude that I would not have expected. The job tapped into my creativity and developed my interpersonal skills. It was definitely the right path at that time.

When I met my husband (at a technical conference), I tried to give him the brush-off. We lived on different coasts and I didn’t want a long-distance relationship. Besides, I was already juggling four lovers. When he persisted, however, I discovered that being with him felt inexplicably comfortable. We spent the first three weeks of our life together driving across the US, a trip that could strain even a well-established couple. We had a fantastic time—and despite the newness of our relationship, the whole process turned out to be incredibly easy and natural.

Thirty nine years later, I understand: it was so much fun because we were obviously doing it right.

Note that joy is not exactly the same as happiness. It’s not about pleasure or entertainment. Joy is something deeper, a spiritual quality, a sense of satisfaction, order and symmetry. Sometimes it’s a quiet, soothing warmth humming under your solar plexus. Sometimes it’s laughter bubbling up out of nowhere, an urge to sing or to dance. Joy can be wordless, or it can spill out in poetry or paint.

I believe we are meant to feel joy and that when we do, we can trust we’re being our best and truest selves.

The fact that something kindles your joy doesn't mean it will be easy. Climbing a mountain, running a marathon, getting a degree, raising a child, or writing a book all take a huge amount of effort, but joy is the ultimate reward. And of course every life has its pain and its tragedies. But joy makes you more resilient.

Writing can be tough, frustrating work. We all complain when the words don’t flow or the characters don’t obey. We fight with incompetent editors, flinch at poor reviews, feel discouraged when our royalties don’t even begin to reach the level of minimum wage. In the face of all these negatives, why do we—why do I—keep writing? Out of love. Because of the joy.

Almost nothing compares to the sense of delight when I am in the groove, the words are flowing and the story is unfolding just as I’d imagined. It’s worth every bit of aggravation and every ounce of effort.

At least that’s how I feel. Your mileage may differ. But if you are truly suffering for your art, why bother? If what you're doing doesn't fundamentally satisfy you, give you that deep level feeling of rightness, maybe you are doing the wrong thing.

Not that I’m counseling my fellow authors to give up. Just stop and ask yourself: is it fun? And if not, what can you change so that it will be? 

For another take on this same topic, check out excellent Nicole Tierra's article on trusting your intuition: https://lifeclub.org/idea/intuition-trust-your-gut

I think she and I are saying the same thing, in slightly different ways.

  

 

Now on sale! Hearts & Handcuffs: Romantic Kink - #BDSM #Romance #HalfPrice

 

Today I’m showcasing my short story collection Hearts & Handcuffs: Romantic Kink. Like all my indie-published books, it’s half off at Smashwords this month.

http://bit.ly/RomanticKink

Blurb

Kink can be life-changing, cathartic, a spiritual experience. Sometimes, though, it’s just plain fun—particularly when your partner is someone special. Hearts & Handcuffs presents the lighter side of BDSM—the naughty joy to be found in exploring your pervy fantasies with someone whose desires complement your own—in six sizzling short stories that showcase Lisabet Sarai’s famously sexy prose.

In “Spank-o-gram”, a grumpy birthday boy receives an unexpected gift from his distant lover. “Wired” shows the extremes a woman will go to in order to get the attention of the man she wants. A neglected and frustrated slave turns the tables on her master in “Domestic Goddess”. In “Spank Me Again, Stranger”, a city gal learns how they celebrate birthdays out in ranch country. A case of mistaken identity leads to a dream come true in “Routine Maintenance”. The title tale “Hearts and Handcuffs” is a Valentine’s Day role playing romp, complete with costumes.

Open the cover, dive into Lisabet Sarai’s imagination—the ultimate aphrodisiac—and savor these gems of romantic kink.

From Hearts & Handcuffs

I pull into the parking lot at seven ten, just ten minutes late. Ten strokes of the crop, if I’m lucky and he doesn’t choose the cane instead. I feel wetness gathering between my thighs. I’m not a pain junkie, but if Theo wants to cane me, I know I won’t object.

My pulse quickens and my nipples tighten under my jacket as I stand on the landing, fumbling with my key. He hasn’t told me exactly what he has planned, just that we’ll do some role play, but by now I have a pretty good understanding of Theo’s kinky mind. I know that whatever we do, I’ll love it.

“Theo, I’m home.” My voice echoes through the modest apartment. It feels empty. But he should have been back by now. A fist of worry clenches in my chest. What if something happened to him? 

 

“Theo?” I head down the hall towards the bedroom.

“Freeze, lady!”

Cold metal prods my ribs. I feel the chill right through my suit. An answering shiver races down my spine. A tall figure steps out from the shadows of the darkened office to my left. Rough fingers clamp down on my wrist.

“Hey! That hurts.”

“Too bad. Get used to it.” He drags me into the office and forces me down into his desk chair before snapping on the light. “It’ll hurt a lot more if you don’t tell me everything you know.”

“What?” I scan the blue-clad figure looming over me. Where did Theo get a policeman’s uniform? In any case, he looks fabulous wearing it, the trim fit accentuating his powerful chest and the tight pants showing off his muscular thighs. A silvery badge shines on his shirt pocket. Shaggy hair falls into his eyes, which are dark and intense. He has ditched his glasses—I guess he must have relented and tried the contacts I’ve urged on him, because I know he’d never try to top me without being able to see me clearly. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Embezzlement. Extortion. Industrial espionage. Sound familiar?” His mouth is set in a hard line. “Gimme your hand!” In fact he grabs me without waiting for me to comply.

He pulls a glittery set of handcuffs from his back pocket. They’re obviously genuine. I try to swallow my nervousness. This is Theo, I remind myself. Your lover. Your master.

It takes him no more than a few seconds to cuff me to the chair. “Now then, missy,” he growls. “Spill. Or I’ll make you.”

“Really—officer. I have no idea what this is about. Are you sure you haven’t confused me with somebody else?”

“No way. The informant was very specific. Wild red hair and the body of a slut.”

I am as thoroughly conditioned as Pavlov’s dog. My pussy gushes whenever he uses that word.

Theo leans over to unbutton my jacket. He reaches in to claim a nipple, his fingernails biting into my taut flesh.

I gasp at the sudden pain and the burst of bliss that follows.

“I don’t think he did you justice. You’re a fucking wet dream. But never mind.” He straightens and props himself up against the desk.

“My job is to get you to talk.” He pulls a nightstick from his belt and runs his palm along the polished wood cylinder. “Whatever that takes.”

This story features Rachel and Theo, the main characters from my erotic romance novel, The Gazillionaire and the Virgin. That book is also 50% off at Smashwords!

http://bit.ly/HalfPriceRomance

Get your copy today!

Join the Fun at Smut By The Sea!

This year will be the third Smut by the Sea at Scarborough Library and it’s bigger and better than ever before with a schedule filled with sexy, seaside shenanigans. This year’s event is sponsored by Sexhibition, the brand new and innovative Sex expo to be held in Manchester this August. Smut UK will be there, you should be too! 
 

On the 23^rd May 2015 Smut UK will take over the upstairs of Scarborough library from 9am -5pm with workshops, performances and more to delight you. All day you will be able to indulge in the delights of the erotic market place. Get your homemade gifts and treats from Bella Settarra, and Cara Sutra will be giving away goody bags and selling sexy treats including DVDs, bondage gear and lube. Pick up a book from the Smutty book stall, check out Steph’s Ann Summers table and of course you must have a go on the world famous Erotic Tombola, you never know what you might win.

There will be two reading slams filled with top quality authors, make sure you come and listen to Cara Sutra, Janine Ashbless, Kiki DeLovely, Charlie J Forrest , Bella Settarra, , Anna Sky
Slave Nano, Cameryn Moore, Helen J Perry, Ashe Barker, Jacqueline Brocker, Ashley R Lister, Lisabet Sarai, and Victoria Blisse as they read 5 minute excerpts for your aural pleasure.

Three diverse workshops will take place though out the day. Jennifer Denys will be leading one on researching and writing Werewolf stories, Slave Nano will be Kinking up the Past in his historical and sexy workshop and Cameryn Moore, professional potty mouth will be talking dirty to filth up your fiction or steam up your sex life.

And as if that’s not enough there will be performances from the Enchanting Bea Noir and the sensual Blue Belle and those brave enough can pick up a Free Spanking from Mistress Cara Sutra!

 

Tickets are still available including a VIP package that includes a sexy goody bag filled with treats, your lunch and priority seating in all workshops, performances and slams.

[This is a rare opportunity to meet the mysterious and elusive Lisabet Sarai... um, I mean me! Hope to see you there!]