Tales from the Slush Pile

By Misty Malone (Guest Blogger)

So how many of you know that when an author sends a query letter off to an agent or editor, sometimes the agent/editor never even sees it? And no, I’m not talking about Postal Service fail or the vacuum of cyberspace eating a lost email. These days, many houses and agencies have gotten so overwhelmed by the sheer amount of unsolicited query letters they receive, they’ve had no choice but to ask for help. Enter: other published authors.

For the last year, I’ve been lucky enough to offer my services as one of these Slush Pile Readers for a New York agency, and let me tell you, it’s been a wake-up call. The sheer amount of rookie mistakes—that every author can avoid just by doing a little, tiny bit of homework—makes me want to spork some people.

But fear not, my friends! I’m going to give you a short list of just some of the mistakes that make slush readers like me mark your letter for the Rejection pile within the first thirty seconds. And for the non-writers out there, think of this as a sneak peek into the world your favorite authors came from, emerging from the slush like Nessie from the Loch.

1. “Dear Sir/Madam”

• Okay, really guys? It doesn’t take much to surf the ‘net for the proper names (and properly spelled names) of the agents/editors you’re submitting your work to. If you want them to give your query the proper respect and consideration it deserves, show them the same courtesy and address your queries properly. Ditto for avoiding slang-y greetings and anything overly informal: things like kthxbye, omg, l8r, ;-) , and ‘sup should appear nowhere near your query letter.

2. Get to the Point

• Truth is, agents/editors don’t really what inspired you to write this book. They don’t care if your cat, mother, neighbor, or the brain-eating zombie in your dreams told you to write it. The purpose of a query is to sell your product; i.e., tell the buyer (otherwise known as the agent/editor) exactly what the book is about in three paragraphs or less. Leave the other stuff for the book tour and interviews.

3. Avoid the Squick Factor

• I have seen tons of queries that try to catch attention by being overly graphic, disturbing, or flat-out gross. This includes any mention of bodily functions, graphically described X-rated acts, or human/animal torture. Don’t laugh—I’ve seen it done. Even if you write horror, just give the agent/editor a brief (five sentences or less) summary of the main plotline and a reason to care about your characters. Save the gore for the actual manuscript.

4. Be Professional

• Remember when I mentioned your query should be professional? Well, beyond addressing it to the right person, you want to make sure it’s in an easy-to-read, business-style font (such as 10 or 12 pt Arial or Times New Roman). For e-queries, delete the hyperlinks and pretty font colors. Always double-check that your correct contact information appears somewhere on the query (near the bottom is usually preferred). In case you’d been considering it, queries written in crayon, Wingdings, or alpha-numeric code will be automatically rejected. Proper punctuation is a plus. While you probably won’t get slushed for missing a comma or two, not using a single capital letter or period will make query readers like me want to shove a Strunk and White’s down your throat.

5. What Not to Say

• Please, for the love of Barnes and Nobles, avoid using phrases in your queries like:

  • “I don’t know what genre to call this.”

  • “I know your submissions guidelines say not to do this, but I’m going to do it anyway because I’m just that spechul.”

  • “This book has no beginning, middle, or end.”

  • “You may call this experimental fiction.”

  • “I’m a great writer, but need you to tell me if this story idea is any good before I waste more time on it.”

  • “So let me tell you about my super, awesome, guaranteed-to-earn-a-gajillion-dollars future New York Times Bestseller. I’m about 5,000 words into the first chapter but can totally tell you who should be cast when they make it into a movie.”

  • “Manifesto”

(And nope, I’m not making those up, folks. I really, really, really wish I was.)

Though specific guidelines vary between houses and agencies, it’s the writer’s responsibility to find out what those differences are and tailor their queries appropriately. Unless you’re planning to line your cat’s litter box with all those “Thanks, but no” rejection letters you’ll receive, take my advice and avoid becoming another casualty of the slush pile.

Bio for Misty Malone: www.MistyMalone.com

A new voice in town, Misty hails from the Big Apple itself. A Taurus with a penchant for angsty romances gone wrong and good ol' fashioned epic fantasy, Misty writes male/male romantic erotica. Her short stories can be found at Ravenous Romance, and her longer works at www.Phaze.com, including Dead Men Get No Tail, and her forthcoming historical fiction, The Consort.

Check out the book trailer for Dead Men Get No Tail online at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TTg_IZCRy7k.

Happy reading!

Flaws versus Foibles

By Misty Malone(Guest Blogger)

Jane Smith is perfect. She’s funny, witty, sings like an angel, and gorgeous. Though she can be a bit too nice at times, and has a tendency to be a bit clumsy.

Mary Johnson is also popular, but she’s known for her hot temper and often acts without thinking of the consequences first.

So, which one of these characters would you rather read about?

Mary, right? Bet I know why.

Mary has a character flaw. Jane has a character foible.

Merriam-Webster defines character foibles as, “a minor flaw or shortcoming in character or behavior.” These “quirks” don’t impact the character’s life in any significant way and rarely have the power to carry a main character through a plot. Being clumsy, like Jane, may make a reader identify with the trait, but rarely with the character herself.

On the other hand, Mary’s anger and impetuousness open up a whole world of plotlines because of the fatal character flaw at the core of her personality. Whatever situation she gets in, her fatal flaw will make it worse. The reader will cringe when Mary makes yet another mistake, but that’s what you want as an author: character flaws are what make readers care about your characters.

Here are some tips and tricks:

• Avoid “flaws that aren’t flaws”

Here’s where those “She’s too nice” or “He’s too good” descriptions fall. This also includes personal habits like messy hair or your biting nails, which aren’t real flaws. They can be humorous or charming quirks, but don’t impact the plot in any way.

• Don’t use flaws that are easily fixed or ignored

Don’t make things too easy for your character. If part of Mary’s character arc is working through her hotheadedness, let her hit some plateaus and valleys along the way. For example, just when she thinks she has her impulse issues reined in, someone picks a fight with her and Mary loses control and ends up in jail.

• Flaws have to hinder the character and the plot in a real, meaningful way

What good is having anger control issues if situations never arise that will challenge that fatal character flaw? If your character has a severe public speaking phobia, what purpose will that serve if you never introduce a situation where your character is forced to face their flaw? But just giving your character a fatal flaw isn’t enough—it has to impact the plot in an important way.

• Don’t pass off flaws as strengths

Ever been on a job interviews where the recruiter asks about your weaknesses? Bland phrases like, “I’m too dedicated” or “I’m over-organized,” are sure-fire ways to get you a one-way ticket to the unemployment office. Know why? It’s because those aren’t real flaws. They’re foibles (or outright lies). How is being dedicated a flaw? If an interviewer can see through these shabby excuses, then your readers certainly can.

Some authors tend to only show the fatal flaw in a positive light. Let’s say Mary lost control and accidently killed Jane. There have got to be some consequences, both internal and external ones. If all that happens is some jail time for Mary, and no change in her character arc, then Mary has become an uninteresting, two-dimensional character that readers will stop caring about.

Good character flaws will be shown in both lights—positive and negative. Perhaps while in prison, Mary discovers a plot to assassinate the warden. Without thinking of the consequences, she pushes the man out a bullet’s path, saving him.

• It’s okay for characters to make mistakes

We learn from our mistakes, and characters do, too. Many authors seem afraid to let their characters do anything too bad or test the limits. Why? We change through adversity, through making horrible mistakes and hopefully learn from them. The most meaningful arcs often come when a character recognizes what their fatal flaw has cost them, and how it affects their storyline.

Be careful that not every flaw a character has is attributed to the past. Blaming others for their flaws makes a character unsympathetic. Readers best connect to characters who have real flaws, can eventually understand how to work through them, and find a way to transform the flaw into an asset.

Mary’s ability to think on her feet and make those split-second decisions allowed her to save the warden, and thus earn herself an early parole, while also teaching her that she can find better ways to redirect her anger and impulse control problems.

• Here is just a handful of examples of real character flaws:

  • Lying

  • Being a cheapskate

  • Severe memory issues

  • Aggression

  • Arrogance and cruelty

  • Overdeveloped sense of self/narcissism

  • Laziness

  • Selfishness

  • Self-righteousness or judgmental

  • Indecision

  • Trust issues

  • Non-assertiveness

Keep in mind that you don’t want to overload your characters with flaws, either. Just as all positive traits won’t make your readers love a character, an influx of negative ones will prevent people from identifying and sympathizing with them. Try to strike a balance—a little bit of good, a little bit of bad, and what do you have?

A normal, flawed, human character.

BIO: “Normal is overrated” is the mantra of author Misty Malone. A hard-core Taurus with a love for elves, zombie squirrels, and cannibalistic cotton balls, Misty is an avid reader, a cat wrangler, and can usually be found glued to her laptop, driven by the desire to tell unforgettable stories. Inspired by the likes of Joss Whedon and Piers Anthony, and fueled by green tea lattes, Misty's work has been published in literary journals, trade magazines, and anthologies, ranging from horror, travel writing, high fantasy, and tongue-in-cheek humor (sometimes under the pen name Lori Strongin). Under the pen name Misty Malone, she has published with Ravenous Romance and Phaze Books.

Check out her website and blog at www.mistymalone.com for more ponderings from this not-quite-normal author.