By Jordyn McKenzie (Guest Blogger)
“Within
these margins I find my serenity – armed with a blank page and a
pencil, I am set free.”
I was recently asked, “Why do you
write that shit?” Well, because I have to.
No, it’s not my means of income, not
by a long shot. It’s far greater than that. It’s the sneeze I
can’t stifle, the laughter I can’t contain, the tear that escapes
the corner of my eye, no matter how hard I stare toward the ceiling.
It’s the story that must be told. I feel the plot bunnies chewing
away within the confines of my brain; the whispers, cries, giggles,
and screams of characters yet unnamed.
One may think I take myself awfully
seriously for someone who’s published only two stories so far, and
in a genre that, while gaining acceptance in the mainstream, is still
so widely overlooked and dismissed by the more conventional reader
and reviewer. To me, this is serious business. This is the
culmination of a years-long love affair with reading and writing, and
taking it to the next level.
I began reading when I was four. I
read my first Stephen King (my favorite author) novel, IT, when
I was nine, and was immediately enthralled with his writing style.
That marked the end of the Beverly Cleary, Laura Ingalls Wilder years
for me. I also attended my first Young Author’s event that year,
solidifying for me the notion that I was meant to be a writer.
This is the part where I’d like to
clarify that while people can take a class to learn how to paint,
mold clay, play piano, sing like Botticelli, or write well, there are
people who are blessed to have that talent in them from the day they
were born. All that is needed is the proper opportunity or
environment to bring it out from within. I won’t say that
opportunity is luck or fortune, because we all know that necessarily
isn’t the case with an artist. And I sincerely believe that
writing is an under-appreciated form of art.
For me, my books were my escape as a
child. My home-life wasn’t the greatest – we were poor and
rather dysfunctional and, being too level-headed to pack all my
belongings and run away from home, I instead escaped to whatever
world I could via the books I retrieved on my visits to the library
or the bookmobile (God, how I miss those!). I made my way through
the list of Stephen King classics, from “IT”, to “Cujo”,
“Carrie”, “The Dead Zone”, and “Firestarter”, to “Stand
By Me” , “The Tommyknockers”, and “The Stand”. Of course,
all of these had fairly popular movies that came of these stories,
but those films never compared to books. I also enjoyed his
anthologies – the Richard Bachman (his pen name from the earlier
years) books, “Skeleton Crew”, “Different Seasons”, and more,
which ingrained in me the belief that just because a story is short,
doesn’t mean it doesn’t leave its mark on its reader.
In my early pubescence, I began
journaling. I wrote out my heart and soul on loose leaf college
rule. Oh, I was still writing stories for class during that time. I
always received A’s on my English composition reports, but never
before had really thought about writing my personal thoughts and
feelings. I was the kind of daughter who did as I was told, didn’t
talk back, wasn’t allowed to act out in anger, and we didn’t
discuss certain subjects, even though for some reason it was
perfectly permissible for me to read graphic content such as that
written by Stephen King. We moved a lot when I was young; I had few
people I could really talk to and tell my deepest darkest secrets. I
was bursting with repressed emotions. So I’d write them down. I’d
most often tear those pages up and throw them away, or even burn them
afterward, because if what I’d written was seen by the wrong
people, the consequences would be unpleasant.
As I grew older, my tastes in reading
matured. My love for Mr. King continued, of course, but I also began
to borrow my mother’s and grandmother’s romance novels. My
friends were beginning to be noticed by boys, even getting
boyfriends, while I was plain, studious, and wouldn’t have been
allowed to have a date at the time even if a boy was interested. I
was cautioned, when I began borrowing these books, that if I came
across “inappropriate” love scenes, I was to skip over those
while reading. Of course, I did no such thing, and it absolutely
warped me at such a tender age as to how love and romance should work
in real life. Granted, I learned more about my own body’s
reactions from those books than anything else, and I guess that in
itself was a worthwhile lesson.
Five years and two failed relationships
later, I swore off romance novels for good, deciding it was a waste
to invest any further time or emotion into those stories. I ran back
to the relative safety of the dark and macabre, journaling only when
my mind was at its breaking point and I had no choice but to, as I
call it, ‘bleed the vein’.
And then along came a ridiculous story
about a broody vampire who sparkled and a silly girl who couldn’t
help but love him.
I have no idea what it was about that
story that drew me in, but it hooked me good and hard. It owned me
for about two years, partly due to the rather handsome cast members
of the movie franchise, but mostly due to my discovery of the fan
fiction phenomenon. Where had this been all my life?! In
re-working that tale into a continuation that went into a direction
well-beyond what Ms. Meyers ever intended, I became addicted to
writing, more so ever than before. Especially since what I was
writing was being fairly well received, and the reviews! I didn’t
have to wait months to get a review, or go begging for them – with
a handy button at the end of each chapter, the reader clicks, type
some words, and boom, a review! And not only that, the website would
send a notification to my phone with every new review. Instant
gratification. I compare it to a runner’s high, that’s the
closest explanation I have for it. Unless, of course, it’s not a
positive review, and then I’d want to curl up in a corner and
seethe for hours, but thankfully in my case, those were few and far
between and I have notoriously thick skin.
My first completed story on the fan
fiction website was the equivalent of 321 printed pages, and I wrote
it in three months. I still consider it one of my proudest
achievements, to be honest, because I have yet to write anything else
that long, but I’m working on it. However, since it isn’t
comprised of characters of my own creation and premise, I yearned to
write something that was mine that I could publish and share with a
broader audience. I began to work on my own original fiction and it
was something akin to giving birth to a child – joy, wonder, and
fear, some nausea, and lots of sleepless nights. As luck would have
it, one of my short stories met the description given in a
call-for-submissions I came across for the “All Together Now”
anthology, released last May by Total-e-Bound. “The Dare” was my
very first published story.
It’s been a bittersweet experience,
because while it’s the realization of a longstanding dream, holding
a book in my hand which contains a story I wrote, I’m once
again faced with a very familiar, dreaded situation: if the wrong
eyes see what I’ve written, the consequences could be unpleasant.
I love writing, I love my style of writing, and I think I’m damn
good at it. But I have to be careful about it; out of respect for my
family and to maintain respect amongst my colleagues in my profession
(which actually pays my bills). I certainly won’t be shredding and
burning what I write this time, but I hate that grey cloud stigma for
pissing on my parade.
I don’t write to get rich. I do hope
some success will come my way out of this, but truly, what I’m
hoping is to provide someone else their escape. I want to be the one
to provide that get-away, make them dive so deeply into a book that
time is of no consequence, worries are temporarily forgotten, and,
maybe, if they are unhappy in life and love, I can provide them hope
that things still have a way of working out in the end. If nothing
else, I can give them something to laugh about and leave them a
little hot and bothered while I do so.
I’m hoping my next book, due out this
November via Total-e-Bound, called “Tongue-Tyed”, is a step in
that direction. It’s the tale of Jasmine, a woman who, on the edge
of thirty, finds herself with a divorce on her belt, and a free
weekend with naught to do but wallow in her shallow self-esteem until
answering her best friend, Laurel’s, call. A weekend away at
Laurel’s family’s lake house is in order and Jasmine begrudgingly
decides to go, nervous about being reunited with Laurel’s younger
brother Tyson, on whom she’s harbored an inappropriate crush since
his late teens. Inappropriate in her mind, because she’s nearly
eight years older than him. What she doesn’t realize is that
recent college-graduate Tyson is not only a grown man, but he knows
exactly what he wants and he’s been waiting a long time for
the opportunity this weekend is providing him.
“Fuck logic. How do you feel about me?
Quit over-thinking the rights and wrongs and just tap into what your
heart is telling you.”
“I’m definitely attracted to you,
Tyson. I can’t deny that. You make me feel like a silly teenage
girl and that’s what scares me. I’m in the process of getting
divorced and having to start my life over. I’m not so sure allowing
myself to be wooed by my best friend’s hot younger brother is the
right way to start it over.”
“And why not let the ‘hot younger
brother’ woo you? You are the most amazing, drop-dead gorgeous
woman I’ve ever known and you totally deserve to be wooed,” he
grinned.
“Stop,” Jasmine groaned, teasingly
shoving at Ty with her hand but he clutched it when she touched his
chest and held it tightly by his heart.
“You know this isn’t just a crush,
right? Do you not see just how much I care about you, Jasmine? How
much I want you for myself? I want you to make me yours. Scratch
that, I am yours; I just need you to accept it…”
I’m really excited for everyone to
meet these two and the rest of their friends. And there’s so much
more I have to bring, to give, knowing that I can’t stop, won’t
stop, and I can only circle back to the point wherein I began this
blog post.
Why do I write this stuff? Why do I
risk personal relationships, and my so-called reputation, for such
tales that some in my life would deem tawdry and beneath me? When I
write, I’m tapping the vein, bleeding my innermost thoughts,
fantasies, and conundrums, real and imagined, onto a Word Doc. It’s
cathartic and it’s necessary. Whether silly, sensual, or
the most dramatic scene I’ve ever written, that reader has just
gotten a glimpse of the inside of my soul. If you know me, there’s
no denying you’ll find me within those pages. And if you don’t
know me, I trust you’ll feel that you do by the time you’re done.
With heartfelt thanks to Lisabet for
the use of her blog,
Jordyn McKenzie