Today
I’m featuring the outrageous, hilarious boxed set of Christmas
tales by the irrepressible Dacy Alex. Not politically correct, not
tasteful, but so much fun!
It’s
always better to be naughty than nice
In this hilarious
yet wickedly raw collection of Christmas tales, the supernatural
co-eds of the Hot Squad learn the true meaning of the holiday:
getting all you can get while the getting’s good!
Oh Come
All Ye Lustful
Giselle
Nyfall, an average college student with above-average-sized boobs and
a truly monumental propensity for destruction, offers herself as a
holiday feast for a particular Prince Charming. Somehow the bumbling
babe triggers a holiday curse that turns her Romeo into a monster
uglier than a Christmas sweater.
Santa Claus is Going to
Town
Seduced
by the promise of a special holiday present, high-elf Princess
Tristabelle finds herself kidnapped by Santa's dirty-minded elven
minions. When trash-talking Daddy Santa himself takes an interest in
the leggy bimbo’s Christmas cookie, it’s up to her dysfunctional
but magically endowed royal siblings to rescue the damsel in
tinsel.
Demons We Have Heard on High
Down
in the fiery pits of Hell, Satan’s scheme to rid Earth of the
Christmas spirit ravages one Midwestern college town and overtaxes
Hell’s social services system. At his wit’s end, Lucifer sends
his granddaughter, half-succubus/half-vampire Fleur Flannagan, to
save the town and Christmas. Faced with a plague of homicidal teddy
bears, a jealous but well-hung African demi-god, and assorted other
sex-crazed, Christmas-hating heathens, luscious demonness Fleur feels
right at home.
Grab your eggnog and settle in for a long
winter’s night or two with the bodacious babes of the Hot Squad.
They know how to put the X in Xmas!
Excerpt
from “Demons We Have Heard on High”
The
chant of the heads hung from the glittery pink Christmas tree,
“Becky, Becky, Becky, Christmas Eve, Becky, Becky, Becky, Christmas
morning.”
“Doesn’t
it sound nice? Jason,” a chilly female voice asked.
The
owner of such frosty words appeared from behind the tree, head on a
hook in hand.
She
stood taller than Fleur and was almost as gorgeous. Her blond hair
flowed nearly to her waist, her blue eyes were deep and dark as
opposed to Fleur’s faint and pale ones, her breasts were modest
though barely hidden behind a red sequined gown. That gown stretched
only past her sex, showing off leggy goodness.
Her
lips were thin, the opposite of Fleur’s full red ones.
“Becky?”
“Baby,
that’s Lady R!” A bugabear with a Santa hat and silver chains
around his neck spoke. “Don’t go violating the Christmas rules,
baby.”
“Buggy,”
Fleur stated flatly.
“The
vampire-demon chick? Baby, it’s great to meet you. We got a fine
selection of humans on offer. Let’s do dinner, baby.”
“Becky,
what’s going on?” Jason shouted, his knees buckling.
“Couldn’t
I ask you the same thing? I killed you, and you’re talking to me.”
“You…you….killed
me?”
“I
really am sorry, Jace, but you weren’t using your witch powers
anyway. Total waste if you ask me.”
“How
did….how did you know I was a witch?”
“Someone
want to tell me what the fuck is going on?” Fleur barked, her
haunting eyes meeting Becky’s lively ones.
“Baby,
baby, there’s no need to get upset. It’s Christmas!” Buggy
explained as he poured himself a glass of eggnog mixed with blood.
“Hey,
Smokey the Cocksucker, you were supposed to erase the Christmas
spirit. Instead, all you did was twist it to meet your own needs. You
work for Satan, not Hallmark.”
“Baby,
you know how it goes. I got a better offer.”
“Who
gave you a better offer than the King of the Christian underworld?”
“That
would be me. Lady Rebecca, necromancer.”
Now
Jason’s knees gave out. He collapsed on his fire extinguisher,
“Why? Why? WHY, BECKY, WHY?”
“Because
I am sick of playing the good girl role for my good guy Jesus freak
boyfriend! I am a necromancer, I raise the dead, I deserve some
praise for that, don’t I? Why do I have to sit on the sidelines and
root for my going nowhere, future-insurance-salesman boyfriend? I
deserve the spotlight! I deserve so much more than to be the
girlfriend of a quarterback that no one will remember after the
season! I am way out of your league, Jason. Way out.”
“Me
and this necro chick met at the same Leyline coincidentally,” Buggy
passed Fleur a glass of bloodnog. “I told her what I needed the
Leyline for, and she said she had a better idea, she just needed my
help to make it happen.”
“So
why did you kill him?” Fleur asked, pointing to Jason.
I
needed a pure soul to corrupt the Leyline and spread the negative
ether.”
“You
can do that?” Fleur was impressed despite herself.
“I
can do anything, even acting like I love some redneck meathead
quarterback. I stabbed Jason in the back, literally. Instead of
raising his body to zombie status, I took his soul and smeared it
with shit, and sent it into the Leyline but with a necromancer
flair.”
“And
that’s how he wound up in Hell. Still, Buggy, what do you get out
of this?”
“Didn’t
you see, baby? We Bugabears are thriving and surviving out there,
baby! Christmas is our time, baby, the bugabear time! Pretty soon,
the whole world will be in the Christmas spirit. And you know what
that means don’t you? Bugabears welcomed and loved everywhere in
the world!”
“I
don’t know if you’ve noticed, Paddington, but you’ve got
zombies chowing down on humans, and your kind is butt fucking the
fleet from Hertz Rental Car.”
“We
have some kinks to iron out,” Becky admitted, towering over Jason.
“Ah, but maybe with Jason back to life…hhehehehe….would you
like to help me, Jace? Jaceycakes?”
“Shut
up.” Fleur’s voice was clear and authoritative.
“Jaceycakes,
who is this woman?”
“I’m
Fleur Flannagan, princess of Hell, granddaughter of Satan, and you’re
staring down a flaming revolver, so either take a walk or die.”
“Jaceycakes?”
Becky ran her fingers along the top of Jason’s head, “Did this
woman bring you back to life? If she’s a princess of Hell I bet she
can do that. And I wonder how you repaid her? Did you…fuck her? Oh
no of course you didn’t. You’re saving that little thing for when
WE get married. But we won’t be getting married, so I guess you’ll
remain a virgin forever!”
The
heads on the Christmas tree enjoyed a merry chuckle.
“Becky,
Becky, Becky…” Fleur chortled. “You show a scholar’s
understanding of the finite artistry of being an obnoxious,
average-at-best, six-in-the-face bitch. Now let me show you what we
do to your kind in Hell.”
Get
your copy today! https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CPKBVJDQ