Two-Minute Drill (or "Silly Self-Deprecation")

By Steve Lowe (Guest Blogger)

Greetings & salutations to all you imaginary Internet people who only exist in my mind, and also to those of you who do actually exist outside of my mind. My name is Steve Lowe and this guest post promises to be quite different from what you are used to reading here on Lisabet’s blog. Perhaps I should apologize ahead of time for myself.

I’m sorry.

OK, with that out of the way, let’s get to it. I am an author (check out http://steve-lowe.com for info on my upcoming books) and occasional sports journalist, but I also enjoy doing a ridiculous interview series on my own blog. It’s called the 2-Minute Drill (http://steve-lowe.com/tag/2-minute-drill/ ) and the purpose is to have no real purpose at all, other than to revel in my own stupidity and randomness, as well as give fellow authors and artists a reason to show their own stupid randomness. As an introduction to you wonderful, shiny new readers, I would like to do a 2-Minute Drill exclusively for this blog. And as a special treat, the subject for this embarrassing public scrutiny shall be … myself.

Yes, that’s right. In an arrogant show of self-absorption, self-promotion and self-flagellation, I will dig deep into myself and dredge up answers to the penetrating, probing queries that you’re all dying to know about. (Wow, maybe I should try my hand at some GLBT fiction after that innuendo-laden sentence.)

Ready, set, DRILL!

2-Minute Drill: OK, this is weird as hell, even for you. We actually didn’t agree to this, you did so of your own accord. We would appreciate a little heads up next time.

Steve Lowe: Just shut up and ask the questions.

2-MD: Alright then smart ass… Why the hell would you name an author interview series the “2-Minute Drill”? This isn’t the NFL Network here. What does that have to do with writing?

SL: Absolutely nothing. It was the first name I thought of and I didn’t bother changing it because I’m lazy. And that was a terrible question. Do better.

2-MD: Why all the over-the-top stupidity and immaturity? Don’t you know all that insincere self-deprecation just gets old after awhile?

SL: No it doesn’t, so shut stupid head. Besides, I’m uncomfortable talking about myself in any way other than self-deprecating. Butt face.

2-MD: OK, fine, how about a classic 2-Minute Drill-type question then: When the armies of talking Fish People march into Washington D.C. and officially establish a Fishocracy in the U.S., will you join our fight for freedom from aquatic oppression or will you be a gill-sympathizer?

SL: It will depend on which side has a better healthcare package, though I’m guessing they’ll be quite similar.

2-MD: What is your favorite word that probably won’t ever show up in one of your stories?

SL: I’ll go with ‘Bonerrific’ for now, but if I ever do try my hand at erotic fiction, I guarantee that will be the first word I use. In fact, that might even be my first title.

2-MD: And finally, a two part-question: At the exact moment of the end of the world, what will you be doing? And second part: Top or bottom?

SL: First part: Dutifully serving our benevolent fish overlords, and Second part: Yes, please.

OK, I think that’s just about enough of this. If anything you just read here appealed to you in the slightest, then I would encourage you to check out my novella MUSCLE MEMORY (http://steve-lowe.com/2010/04/06/muscle-memory-a-quick-synopsis/), set for release in November. And with that, I think it’s time I returned this blog to its rightful owner. Thanks to Lisabet for accommodating me, and sorry to everyone for that fishy smell. It will probably clear up in a month or so.

Steve Lowe writes dark stuff, except when he doesn’t. His first book, Muscle Memory, will be released in November 2010 as part of the New Bizarro Author Series from Eraserhead Press. His second book, Wolves Dressed as Men, will be released in November 2010 by Eternal Press. His short fiction is forthcoming or has appeared in Drabblecast, The Bloody Bridge Review, Esteban’s House of Bizarro, and Aurora Wolf, among other places. In his spare time, he asks fellow authors and creative types odd, mostly random questions for something called The 2-Minute Drill.