Free To Write (#amwriting #inspiration #epiphany)

Last week I wrote a blog post about how frustrated I was feeling, not having the time I wanted to write. In the last few days, though, I’ve been seeing things from a different perspective. I still have to steal bits and pieces of time to work on my naughty stories. However, when I do manage to sneak away for an hour or two as Lisabet Sarai, I’ve been amazed at how easily the words flow.

This seems to be true regardless of the story or the genre. I just finished a short story for an anthology. It’s darkly erotic, full of poetry and emotion. To be honest, I believe it is among the best things I’ve ever written. At the same time, I’m working on my silly, smutty novella set in Larry’s world, which is totally different in mood and style. In both cases, I’ve felt a remarkable sense of freedom and control. Well, not exactly control—I believe that inspiration can’t be summoned and hence is not subject to conscious control— but a sense of the writing being in sync with my intentions and desires.

I’ve been writing and publishing for nearly twenty years. Maybe I have finally learned how to do it right.

The other day I was chatting online with an author friend, about my recent erotic romance Damned If You Do. It’s a rather unconventional story, which breaks a lot of romance rules. I really didn’t think this tale, about a romance author who makes a deal with the devil, would be well-received, but I felt compelled to write it any way. It’s a deeply personal story. No, I haven’t been approached by Mephistopheles and offered a contract. But sometimes I’ve felt the same despair experienced by my heroine Wendy—the fear that no matter how good a book I write, it doesn’t matter, because nobody is going to buy it.

Wendy (spoiler alert!) ultimately breaks her infernal contract and keeps her soul. In talking to my friend, I experienced an epiphany. I realized that by writing Wendy’s story, I had exorcised my own demons of envy and regret.

I’m through writing for the market. Not that I won’t try to sell my books, but if I can’t, that’s okay. It’s more important for me to write what’s in my heart or what tickles my imagination, to challenge myself with new genres, themes and forms—to have fun.

At last, I’m free to be Lisabet Sarai—whenever I can find the time!