BDSM and Feminism

Can a woman be both a submissive and a feminist?

When I published my first BDSM erotic romance, Raw Silk, I sent a copy to my brother, a sensitive New Age guy who’s an ardent feminist. Much to my surprise, he was quite upset. “You’re glorifying abuse,” he said. “Treating women like objects. It’s sexism at its worst.”

I didn’t expect that reaction. It certainly didn’t match my experience. BDSM, for me, was liberating. I could finally express the desires I’d previously kept hidden, knowing I would not be condemned for them. I certainly didn’t feel abused. No matter what he did to me, my Master always treated me with respect—even a bit of awe. I gave myself to him, with full and heartfelt consent. He understood the value of that gift. I trusted him, and he trusted me—trusted that I’d let him know if something hurt too much, or if the emotional content of a scene made me uncomfortable.

Meanwhile, submission actually increased my self-confidence and assertiveness. I felt strong and brave after an intense scene, as well as desirable. And I finally could take ownership of my sexuality, including my kinky needs.

My submissive heroines tend to be self-sufficient career women with busy and fulfilling lives, even before they meet their Doms. Rachel Zelinsky, from The Gazillionaire and the Virgin, is a prime example. She’s founder and CEO of a multi-billion dollar tech corporation. In fact, she spends her days giving orders to her subordinates. Her need to submit is an itch she scratches via superficial interactions at kink clubs. These artificial scenes don’t satisfy her, but she’s too busy running her company to look for the real thing. Then she meets Theo, and gradually comes to understand that he can give her what she’s been missing.

Becoming Theo’s sub doesn’t diminish her. She remains a powerful, competent, independent woman who is perfectly capable of holding her own in the male-dominated world of business. Meanwhile, Theo doesn’t try to change her. He admires her intelligence, energy and social savvy.

A sub is not a doormat. A slave doesn’t have to surrender her identity, or her pride. Submission is a choice, one that requires significant courage and honesty. That’s one of the truths I try to convey in my BDSM fiction, including The Gazillionaire and the Virgin.

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This is the last post in my Gazillionaire and Virgin blog tour, running from February 1^st to 15^th. Leave me a comment on this post, including your email address, and I’ll enter you to win a $50 bookstore gift certificate (first prize) or a print copy of the new book (second prize).

I hope you’ve enjoyed yourself as much as I have. If you missed some of the posts, you will find the full list here:

http://lisabetsarai.blogspot.com/2016/01/blog-tour.html

I will wait until Wednesday the 17^th to draw the winners, so you have a bit of time to catch up!