Saturday, October 17, 2015

Comfortable with Sex in Public

By Laura Baumbach (Guest Blogger)

There have been a whole slew of good articles about how to write characterizations strong enough to produce three dimensional, intriguing heroes, where to get story ideas, how to or whether to include social issues in a story, and how to develop solid plots, just to name a few of the insightful posts from some of the best authors in the genre.

Now let's talk frankly about the entire subject of writing m/m erotic romance. We'll take it a descriptive segment at a time.
M/M means male/male, gay, same gender, whatever label you need to slap on it to make your writing meaningful to you. Ultimately it means two men.

Romance means an emotional development of a relationship between (traditionally) two people where love and happiness is achieved.

And slipped between those two revealing words is another one some writers downplay – erotic. Webster dictionary defines erotic as: devoted to, or tending to arouse sexual love or desire.

It can't be any plainer than that. Devoted to arousing sexual desire. That's what your work should reflect. If it doesn't you aren't writing in this genre.

If you are intending to write and market your work as m/m erotic romance you must include sexual scenes that depict sexual desire, scenes that arouse the reader on some level. The lovemaking component must develop the characters or move the story along. It can't be just throw in for the sake of adding sex or padding your word count. It must mesh with the storyline, be true to the characters and be an integral part of your overall plan. If your work doesn't include this critical element it isn't m/m erotic romance so don't expect an erotic romance publisher to be interested in your manuscript. Submit to publishers that looking for gay fiction or traditional romance.

Writing sex scenes, whether they are sweet or scorching, can be difficult for some authors, and not just new authors. I know a couple of seasoned writers who balk when it comes time to flesh out a physical scene. Whether it is a few paragraphs long or a chapter (like I tend to write), a gentle glossing over or a detailed, explicit, highly emotional, marathon lovemaking event (again the way I like to write them) authors have to develop a comfort zone with writing sex. If you don't know how something feels or how a man's body reacts during sexual arousal and lovemaking, it will show in your writing. There are times when nothing trumps life experiences, in my opinion. If you are female writing for the m/m erotic romance genre you should never feel that you aren't equipped, as in skilled, to do the job.

I hear the naysayers in the background asking what does a woman know about writing sex between two men? Where is her 'life experience' in that respect? I'll tell you. Straight women spend their whole lives dating men, developing friendships and intimacy with them, flirting, fighting, wedding, loving, bedding and caring for men. We discover how to please them in bed and outside of it. If we're lucky, we spend a lifetime partnered with a man, facing life and challenges along the way. There are prejudices and problems to cover come, maybe even discrimination and family rejection because of our choices. We are as qualified to write about being in love with a man as we are to write about a female slave in love with a plantation owner of a century past or a mythical Goddess in love with a human champion. We are actually none of those people but we, as skilled authors, can bring our experience and talent to the page, making it believable and breathtaking just the same.

As for the sex – oral sex, anal intercourse, hand jobs, kissing, touching and pleasuring a man is something we can, and frequently many women do, do. When writing from that point of view we can tap into all of our personal knowledge and experience and translate it into a story about being in love with a man.

It's the skill of the author, not their gender, that makes or breaks a story. So get out there and set those pages on fire, or at least let the sparks fly.

And never let anyone convince you that if your erotic romance actually is erotic that it is somehow less of a story because you had the talent and skill to bring the sensual, sizzling intimacy of two characters in love to life for your readers. I've made it my trademark to write scorching love stories AND I have a table of writing awards to go along with them. Quality and erotic are not mutually exclusive words. Be comfortable with expressing your characters' intimacy. Your readers will thank you for it.

If you are looking to see how I write my erotic romance, check out my books here:!Baumbach

My latest release is JACKSON & NICK. Here is the blurb for the short story.

Recuperating from a work-related injury, NY City fireman Jackson Kain convinces new boyfriend Dr. Nicolas Kirby to spend a few days at a secluded California cabin in the woods far away from the hustle and bustle of their stressful worlds.

Nick is a cautious man with protective walls around him that persistent, persuasive Jackson is determined to breakdown, scale or tunnel under. These few days are Jackson's best chance to convince Nick he is sincere and reliable in all things, including matters of the heart. Unfortunately, both men are going to get more opportunities to prove themselves than either bargained for.

What was supposed to be a relaxing break from the world to get to know one another better turns into a struggle for survival, that pits both men against nature and time.


I’d love to give away some copies of Jackson & Nick. Leave me a comment with your email, and I just might pick you!

And if you’d like to read some of my sex in public (!), check out the sizzling full chapter from A Bit of Rough, here!

About Laura

Recognized in 2010 by ROLLING STONE MAGAZINE as 'a pioneer of the M/M romance genre',  Laura Baumbach is the best-selling, multi-award winning, acclaimed author of short stories, novellas, novels and screenplays. Author of one of the first recognized published resource articles on the category of m/m erotic romance, For the Love Of Man, for ERWA Writer' Resource article published in September 2008. She is the founder of the only RWA Chapter for GLBT romance author, RAINBOW ROMANCE.

Laura is the author of over 14 books and numerous shorts, almost all of which have been recognized by awards from array of sources. The most awarded title is Mexican Heat, a FINALIST for Best Gay Romance in the 2009 Lambda Literary Awards, WINNER in the 2010 EPPIE Awards, received an Honorable Mention at the 2009 San Francisco Book Festival, and several RWA chapter awards, was written in collaboration with Josh Lanyon. Mexican Heat won the coveted CataNetwork Reviewers' Choice Award for 2009. Laura was nominated for Best GBLT Author 2008 in the LRC' Best Of Awards for 2008. Her adventure story The Lost Temple of Karttikeya won the 2008 EPPIE Award for Best GLBT novel and was featured as a hugely successful free read on Kindle Select Program with over 10,000 downloads. Her sequel to the best-selling novel A Bit of Rough, Roughhousing, was 2007 Reviewers' Choice Award Winner.

Her sci-fi m/m adventure Details of the Hunt, a 2006 EPPIE Finalist,(in its mainstream 'buddy' version), was selected as a Semi-finalist in the 2007 Shriekfest Screenplay competition as well as becoming the winner of Best Telefilm in the aTalentScout, Winter 2004 TV writing contest, and the Fort Bend Writers Guild Screenplay writing Contest for Spring of 2005.

Laura devotes herself full time to publishing and writing. A wife, mother and retired RN, she is the owner of ManLoveRomance Press, a small publishing house that specializes in gay erotic romance, mystery and fiction. ( MLR Press was founded in January of 2007.


Lisabet Sarai said...

Hello, Laura!

I'm so pleased to have you as my guest. Thanks for your giveaway. I'm sure my readers will appreciate it.

Debby said...

I have y our new story already so don't enter me, but I wanted to post how much I have enjoyed your work and look forward to more. Loved the post. It is the talent of the writer that counts.

Harper Jewel said...

Love the post and the words of advice. It looks like I'll be adding some more books to my TBR list!

orelukjp0 said...

Very interesting point about woman doing many of the things with our men and so can write from the male point of view.
Thank you for the great excerpt.

Unknown said...

Thank you for allowing me to be a guest, Lisabet. I'm delighted to have the opportunity to be here.

Unknown said...

Thank you, Debby. I'm thrilled you enjoy my writing. After being out of the game so to speak, I was nervous about this new story meeting reader expectations. I have to admit, it is so reassuring to hear my stories still are enjoyed that I have 8k written in a new story already. A little positive encouragement goes a long way, even with us old writers.

Unknown said...

Harper, send me you email at and I'll send you your copy of the story! Thank you for reading! I hope something from my backlist will tickle your interest as well.

Unknown said...

Thanks, orelukjp0. I've always thought is so contradictory that traditional erotic romance authors can write from their hero's male POV in their m/f stories but, if a m/m author does it, it's unnatural.

Plus, I think it's crazy no one gives straight female authors credit for knowing how to love a man when that's what we do in every relationship we have ever had. I think that gives us some sold ground to base our writing on.

Send me you email at and I'll send you your copy of the story!

bn100 said...

interesting post

bn100candg at hotmail dot com

Sherry said...

I enjoyed your post and I've thought this sounded like a great story from the first time I saw it.
sstrode at scrtc dot com

H.B. said...

This sounds so interesting. Thank you for the giveaway chance!

humhumbum AT yahoo DOT com

Anonymous said...

I'm always thrilled to find good new m/m!

Trix, vitajex(at)aol(Dot)com

Unknown said...

I've sent off all the copies to four readers/commenters. Anyone else? Just leave me a comment.

Unknown said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
NL Gassert said...

Amen. I've had a few folks ask me how I write sex seeing how I'm not gay. Well, I might not be gay, but I've been having sex with a man all my life :)

Unknown said...

Great post Laura, and a good reminder to be as committed to writing the essential elements of our genre while fleshing out our storylines. Glad to see you have a new one out!

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