Monday, June 20, 2011

The Horrendous Side Effects of Writing Erotica

By Cari Silverwood (Guest Blogger)

[Note from Lisabet: Cari is giving away a copy of her new release Three Days of Dominance to some lucky individual who comments on this post! So read on!]

Ahh, my innocent days just flew overhead, though not with a whisper of flapping wings, no, more likely with a tumultuous series of moans, gasps, sobs and shrieks of pleasure.

As a new erotica author, I thought I could simply look forward to life of leisure, lying down, kicking up my heels…and writing lots of naughty stories. Little did I comprehend the other side-effects, or side-benefits, of being in the business of getting two people to fall in love whilst doing the horizontal/ vertical/ upside-down tango as much as humanly possible. I’m assuming here, of course, that there are only two -- people, that is. Though I’m unlikely to do m/m erotica, I may extend myself to doing a ménage one day…purely in the just and noble cause of Research.

And yes, Research is one of those side-effects. There’s an old adage about writing -- only write what you know. Total bollocks, in a way. How many serial killer writers have a cemetery under their floorboards? Not too many, I hope. Yet, in another way, it never never hurts to increase your knowledge of what you write, unless of course, it’s a whip, or a flogger, or a paddle, hot wax, or a nipple clamp.

Speaking of clamps, through the wonders of the internet, I now know many awe-inspiring facts about clit clamps, such as how long to keep them on for, where precisely they go, and the many ways you can attach them with chains to things like nipple clamps, the floor and, via a pulley system, to the ceiling. The latter idea was mentioned by a very enthusiastic sub on a site that went on for about ten million pages, and five years, about the methods of torturing your loved one’s clitoris. Despite the ‘torture’ appellation, some of the ideas sounded so interesting I had to take notes. If I don’t use them in a story, I’ll find something else to do with them. Seriously though, some of them were a tad dangerous. Battery-powered dremel tools and clitorises. Ouch, is all I can say.

Here’s the link to that site and I’m sure they’d welcome more flamboyant ideas if you happen to have any lying around in your head:

I still remember one of the warnings about clamps, and doubt I’ll ever forget -- use them the wrong way and your lady bit may fall off. Now that’s one bit of research most authors would like to avoid.

Strangely enough, one of the other horrendous side-effects is that the sex life of an erotica author tends to improve. Now, I have no idea why, but it may possibly be the result of all that research. To be completely certain of this I think some readers should trial doing the same research and then reveal their findings. So ten of you scamper off and try out some kinky products, read up about how to use them and so on, then come back here and tell us all the results. We’ll wait…and wait…and now some more waiting…

Hmm, I don’t think they’re coming back for a while.

Granted, all the imagining done while writing these erotica stories might also be to blame for the sex life improvements. If my readers don’t get that same ‘imagination workout’ there’s something wrong with my stories and maybe I should do some more research myself.

Research leads to a proliferation of bookmarks on an author’s computer, most of them filed under Sex or Porn or maybe BDSM. Yes, the next horrendous side effect is when my computer breaks down -- and I do say when and not ‘if’ because I’m not living in dreamland -- when it breaks down, my PC repair guy may have a cardiac arrest. Do you really believe those men don’t ever peek at the contents of your documents and bookmarks folders? I will instantly go from having the aura of a suburban housewife to that of a porn queen. If I’m very lucky the morality police will not come round to my house to arrest me and the PC guy won’t try to hit on me for an invite to the next orgy I hold.

I am also in the running to become firm friends with a chiropractor. Books do not grow on trees and writing them means sitting at the computer with eyes glued to the screen and fingers to the keyboard for days at a time. Subsequently, once I unglue my various bits, I will have to visit the chiropractor to realign my neck with my spine. At the moment it’s not where it should be and I think it’s somewhere between at right angles to my neck and in a totally new space dimension.

The last horrendous side effect I’ll mention -- ignoring the one where my vocabulary of sex terminology has exploded -- ignoring that one, there is my secret identity. In my ‘real’ life here in Australia, I’m actually the Prime Minister of our glorious country. Believe that, do you? You don’t know though because I have now got a lovely pen name. I may be a church minister or the president of the Society for the Liberation of Vampires from having Spangly Stuff Sprinkled on Them. Who knows? I do. And I ain’t telling. Sometimes I feel like Batman and Bruce Wayne, only with a sex change, and of course, less muscles, and none of those Bat thingies. Wish I did have a Batcave.

I’m off, dear readers, to my Authorcave to write more erotica.

Three Days of Dominance by Cari Silverwood

BDSM/fetish erotica from Loose Id


When a man with mint-green eyes steps from a lake and offers to rescue Danii’s dog in exchange for three days of total obedience, it’s obvious he must be either joking or crazy. She must be the crazy one, though, because somehow, she ends up saying yes.

Being a police officer, she usually knows how to handle the crazies, but when it comes to Heketoro, she’s the one being handled. Each day their lovemaking becomes wilder and Danii discovers exactly how far this man can take her. Though the tattoos drawing themselves on his body make it clear he’s not quite human, to Danii what’s more important is their burgeoning love for each other.

To Heketoro, what's important is one last ritual of love needed to break an ancient curse that prevents him from returning to his world. But as the time draws near, his enemies return and threaten to destroy him by using his only weakness -- Danii.

Excerpt of Three Days of Dominance

Her wrists were drawn taut above her head, secured to the headboard by ropes of thorned red rose and bougainvillea. The pricks of their thorns threatened to puncture her dream. She resisted that, wanting more. Raising her head, she stared down the length of her body, past her protruding red nipples and along her stomach where sweat lined the floral rope fastening her thighs up against her body. With her bottom tilted and her legs spread, her pussy was open, available.

The man, his black hair floating like the rays of a sun, lifted his head from between her thighs. She gasped, rolling her hips upward. The wet tip of his tongue slid across as he licked her juices off his lower lip. Her clit, so recently probed by that clever tongue, pulsed. If he didn’t put it back there, soon…

She panted as his thumbs glided in the slickness down below, felt them sink deep into her, then deeper inside, and gasped again, lost in the molten sensation. She tried to move her arms, her legs and couldn’t. Trapped and pinioned for him to do what he wished. Excitement screwed her insides a notch tighter. Her vagina squeezed around his thumbs. He pulled them out, and she mewed at the loss.

Slowly, his eyes never leaving hers, he rose to his feet, shifting position until his hands wrapped around her thighs and the head of his cock pressed against her entrance.

Anticipation made everything feverish bright, sent lust snaking, thick as syrup, to her groin. Her thigh muscles juddered as she pushed up in vain against the rope. The rope tightened. The thorns bit down. The man smiled with satisfaction as her struggling subsided, becoming a trembling acceptance of what was to come. He drove the head of his cock into her, sliding inside, and halted. She groaned, anticipating the thrust as he penetrated farther.

Watching her intently, he skated his finger in tantalizing circles about her clit, sometimes touching the aching nub and sometimes not. He gripped it between finger and thumb and squeezed, then thrust with his cock, then squeezed, then thrust -- the rhythm driving her closer and closer to the edge, her clit so swollen she was sure she’d explode if her release was held off a second longer. Withdrawing until the head barely parted her lips, he poised there, making her ache, making her want.

Aaah. She arched, threw back her head, opened her mouth…and something soft and furry landed on her. A long tongue swept across her face. The dream dissolved.

Danii opened one eye. Two doggy eyes looked back.

“Killer,” she rasped. Her cocker spaniel barked twice and squirmed closer. She plonked a hand on his head to still his tongue and squinted at the alarm clock.

“Six o’clock. Gah! Couldn’t you have waited one more minute? We nearly did it this time!” Not that it would have mattered. Her dreams always ended before she came, though this time had been close, much closer than usual.

Danii squeezed her thighs together and groaned. She really needed a lover. Only, good men didn’t grow on trees, especially not men who did special tricks with bougainvillea. Whoa, that had been something, way too kinky. She’d never let a man do that to her for real, but in dreams, in dreams it was…nice.

Killer barked again, more urgently.

“You want to go for your walk, don’t you?”

He ruffed and sat up, tail swishing across the sheets.

“Okay. Okay. I’m getting up.”

About me

Though I’d much rather stay invisible and spin you all tales with my words, here’s a little snippet of my world.

I have a lovely family, here in Australia, with the prerequisite teenager who dwells in the dark bedroom catacombs…a husband who raises eyebrows when he catches glimpses of what I write, and a furry menagerie of other animals barking, meowing, and swimming about the place.

Before writing Three Days of Dominance I had never dipped my little toes in the hot and lust-swirled sea of erotica. Now every time I turn around, there’s some new character making me write down their story in the most lurid way. My people are quite adamant about explaining creative new ways of making love, so I doubt I’ll run out of ideas anytime soon, though I may go cross-eyed.

And, dammit, I can’t seem to stop reading other erotica authors either. I have come over to the dark side. Someone please find me a candle...and some rope. 'Cause if Darth Vader's here, I'm going to see if he's up for some bondage and wax play.

If you want to read my full excerpt of Three Days of Dominance you can find it and me at my website


Lisabet Sarai said...

Greetings, Cari,

Welcome to Beyond Romance. And welcome to the dark side LOL. Once erotica gets its claws in you, it rarely lets go!

THREE DAYS OF DOMINANCE sounds like a real sizzler. Thanks for your generous giveaway. I'm off to announce it everywhere I can think of.

Mary Preston said...

I think a trip to 'the dark side' now and again never hurt anyone. That is one very HOT excerpt.


Maggie Nash said...

Hi Cari! A fellow Aussie!

The dark side is quite addictive you know. You may never recover!

Congratulations on your book, it looks fabulous:-)

I went to your site, and the Steampunk book looks really interesting too :-)

Keep up the good work!


Tanith Davenport said...

Love that excerpt :)

As to the improvements in an erotica author's sex life, my husband's friend read an excerpt from mine and are barraging him with questions about how I did my "research". I shudder to think what will happen if I introduce clamps in my next one.

Rachael said...

I came here after seeing the post on GR. I thought I would jump up and down waving my hands but instead I'm squirming in my seat!
What an excerpt!! Wonderful way to start the day!

Can't wait to read the whole thing!
*crosses fingers*


Cari Silverwood said...

Hi, I can see you've all been wallowing here in the dark longer than me :)
Maggie, yes, I'm an Aussie, though strangely not the PM. I love my Steampunk - it's my kinky little diabolical mechanical baby.

Tanith, no matter what you put in your books someone will think you tried every single mind-boggling sexual thing in it. Just think how much we brighten their day! LOL
Please remember if you read my book -- I did NOT practice the last scene.

Thank you for having me guest blog here, Lisabet. I'll have to go to bed soon as it's late here.

Cari Silverwood said...

Oh hi, Rachael,
Your post beat mine in.
LOL Yes I did mention the waving of hands on Goodreads. I find a bit of humor is great to use in posts after all the crazy hot sex I put in my stories.
Good luck in the draw.

books4me said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
books4me said...

Great excerpt, Cari! Congrats on your books!
books4me67 at

David Kentner -- KevaD said...

I'm not actually supposed to try all these things I read about?
Aww Jeez.
I better untie the wife...
And hide all the sharp objects...

Hi, Cari.

Tamsyn said...

That was a really hot one! I wish I had dreams like that, ones that end, well, satisfactorily! :o)

Terra said...

Wow! I need to turn on the fan that was a hot excerpt. This sounds like a book I need to get.


Maggi Sherwin said...

That Cari, was a juicy excerpt. And what a great post. I just love your sense of humour!

Colleen said...

Now that is an excerpt! Thanks for sharing... I enjoyed reading this post!

Anonymous said...

Thanks Lisabet for introducing Cari to me. I love a bit of humor in with my spice.

greenduckie13 said...

You sound like someone I would love to be friends with. Thanks for the excerpt.

Kristin said...

Cari, with your great sense of humor and your willingness to do research in order to make your writing more "authentic" *laughs* I seriously admire your skills as a writer.

That excerpt was HOTT!

Cari Silverwood said...

I'm back, and squirming from all the nice comments :D

Thank you everybody. One of the best things is getting to read comments like these.

So glad you like my humor. A dash of fun never hurt any book. This one had more than my others - mostly due to Killer the cocker spaniel :)

Cari Silverwood said...

And hi DA :)
Almost didn't see you. Thanks for dropping by.
No, seriously, you can keep your wife tied up but mmm the sharp objects in YOUR hands might an unwise move. Especially that samurai sword.

desitheblonde said...

the cover look great and how you did the blurb is great and then you did do some great background for the book get more out to read

Amber Green said...

So, what part of the computer did you glue your lady bit to?

Cari Silverwood said...

ROFL Amber, you are a bad bad influence on me.

Shanna said...

I've read it already and highly suggest if you aren't lucky to win it go and buy it.

Cari, when you started on the chiropractor I thought you'd at least blame the improved sex life ;-p

Cari Silverwood said...

Shanna, hmmm, LOL I can just imagine what you thought I was up to for my neck to be needing a chiropractor. :P
And thanks again for the review on GR, it made my day.

Dorothy F. Shaw said...

Adorable post!

Jadette Paige said...

Hi Cari! Sorry I'm late but I wouldn't miss this for anything. I just luuvvveee HOT stuff and I knew I'd find it here.

Congrats, babe on your new release! May all your wet...uh, dreams come true.

Anonymous said...

sounds like a greag book to read

Lisabet Sarai said...

Hi, all!

Just popping in to say thanks for all your great comments.

I meant to mention that I thought a cocker spaniel named "Killer" was an especially good touch, too.

Amy said...

So now I know - all I have to do is be an author and then it's legit to visit such sites? (that are already bookmarked, LMAO!) I may have to try my hand at writing erotica, myself...sounds like you are having a wonderful time producing great reads.

Shelley Munro said...

LOL - I often wonder about those technicians and what they think about the computer contents. I have to pack away my reference books every time the family visits. Good luck with Three Days of Dominance. It sounds great. Waving from New Zealand :)

Cari Silverwood said...

Waving back, Shelley!

And yes, being an author means you get to say this is all legit -- but nobody ever believes you. LOL

The name for Killer came from a dog I met while walking. Turned out to be very friendly but my heart did a hop, skip and jump when his owner called him back as he trotted toward me!

Maggi Sherwin said...

That's a killer of a dog name Cari, but what about a black Labrador called Satan? It belonged to a neighbour of ours. One night he went missing on Ham Common and we all went out looking for him. Imagine all those people stumbling about in the dark and calling for Satan...

Ren said...

That's a wealth of knowledge you've dropped on us. I'm definitely squirming here lol
Congratulations on your new release :)

booklover0226 said...

I'm crazy mad of this post; I just loved it. I've added Three Days of Dominance to my must have list. I also love the book's cover; it has a haunting beauty quality to it.

Tracey D
booklover0226 at gmail dot com

Anonymous said...

I, too just added Three Day Of Dominance to may list after reading the reviews by Bianca and other favorite authors.

Cari Silverwood said...

Wow. What a lovely way to wake up this morning!
8 AM here in Australia.
Thank you :D
I too love the cover. April Martinez made it and wow, it certainly has that ethereal/ haunting quality just as you say, booklover.

Bianca Sommerland is a sweetie, and she writes some stunning erotica. Try "Deadly Captive" if you want your socks AND undies blown off LOL

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