Thursday, March 22, 2012

I Want Your Opinion - and I'm Willing to Bribe You!

Greetings, Readers!

Below you'll find a synopsis of a story, called "One Night - Forever". I'd like to know what you think of it. Would you like to read this story? Do you think this story sounds sexy? Romantic? Is there anything you don't like about this story idea?

To thank you for your opinions, I'm giving away a free ebook to one lucky person who leaves me a comment with answers to the questions above. Please be sure to leave your email address. If you win, you can choose Getaway Girl (M/F mild bondage), Shortest Night (M/M and M/F historical), or Monsoon Fever (M/M/F historical).

***

Sally and Harry live on opposite coasts. Although they work in the same field, they've never met. At the conclusion of a professional conference both have attended, Sally discovers her plane home has been canceled, so she decides to stay another night in the luxurious conference hotel. Harry resides only an hour's drive away, but after the intensive socializing of the conference, he's disinclined to go back to his lonely bachelor apartment.

Nursing a beer in the hotel bar, Harry can't help but notice the unusual woman sitting by herself at a corner table. He introduces himself and offers to buy her a drink. Before long they're chatting as if they'd been friends for years. Sally is charmed by Harry's chocolate-brown eyes and infectious laugh. Harry finds his companion's outspoken intelligence as much a turn-on as her voluptuous figure. Conversation gradually morphs into flirtation and then into outright groping. They adjourn to Sally's room and have the most incredibly pleasurable, mind-blowing sex in either's experience. Waking the next morning, entwined in each other's arms, they make slow, sensuous love. Sally gives Harry her business card before rushing off to catch her plane.

Harry returns to work, but he can't get Sally out of his mind. He calls and she tells him that he's been in her thoughts, too. Harry doesn't believe in love at first sight, but he can't argue with his heart, which tells him that Sally is as close to a soul mate as he's ever going to find. He takes a leave of absence from his job, books a flight to her city, and shows up at her door at 2 AM, begging her to let him into her life. Sally's joy at seeing him overwhelms her irritation at being rudely awakened. She drags him into her bedroom, where they have loud, passionate sex. As Harry is coming, he blurts out a proposal of marriage.

****

So let me know your thoughts! I'll draw a winner on Monday.

19 comments:

Witchy Woman said...

What makes Sally unusual?
O.k., I like the way they met and the proposal is...unexpected, which makes it funny. I would prefer if there could be a longer interim from their time in the hotel to the time he shows up at her door. More of a struggle-when he takes time to decide should I or shouldn't I? His impulsiveness would appear to some as creepy.

Booksrforever123 said...

I think it be a atory I'd read, but I'm not surw of the proposal of marriage-or Sally refuses based on distance. I think it would be sexy and romantic. Carolyn
j-coverholser at sbcglobal.net
I would have to see later which book-not at hoer right now

angela said...
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angela said...
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heather said...

I thin there should be some sort of climax. something to shock the readers and keep them reading to see the outcome. Maybe Sally is scared of a commitment and gives Harry a fake number and he has to search for her or one of them could get in a accident and wake up to the other by their bedside or they could even lose their memory. Just something exciting that makes the story a little suspenseful or thrilling.
chamblinh@gmail.com

savannah said...

Okay I like the outline I would def read this story I love when two people meet and know its love at first sight. First time I seen my hubby I knew he was the one.... It took him at least 5 years to realize the same about me :) The outline makes it seem as if its going to be a fast moving book and I know that is normally hard to make a relationship seem "real" As long as you write a good story (Which we all know you can) :)! I think it should be fine. Also make sure we know a lot about the Sally and Harry you really have to make them pop so people will believe the love at first sight thing. I'm a bit iffy about the marriage proposal at the end maybe add some humor there.
Good luck and if my advice sucks I'm sorry :(

Patti P said...

I agree that the meeting/visit needs a little more meat in between. The meeting sounds wonderful. Since I met my hubby on a cruise and lived 1000 miles apart a similar situation of the I can't get you out of my mind variety it is totally believable to me. Long chats on the phone, sweet cards in the mail and poof a visit! That is a dream come true.
musicalfrog at comcast.net

Word Actress said...

Hmmmm...I need to know more, I think, just a little snippet of back story perhaps. Why is Harry so impulsive? They don't seem 24 to me. Seems more like they have a little life under their belts. I have a friend like Harry, only she actually marries people in these early phases. In my mind, never a good idea.
You don't even know the person.

I'm sorry, Lisabet, it's nice to think some one person can have that kind of wham bam effect on you.
I've had it happen once, but we were both married at the time and couldn't pursue the feelings.
For your story, there needs to be a little more about the characters revealed. I'm thinking of the George Clooney character in the movie where he's going around the country firing people, Up In The Air,
I think it was called. The Clooney character seems like the lonely
Harry of your story. So he meets a person on the plane and they have a 'let's meet in this city on this day' sort of
relationship. But lonely Harry makes the mistake of falling for her and shows up on her doorstep,
her husband and kids standing behind her.

Oh, and one more thing, go back to the name bin maybe, I can't help but think of When Harry Met Sally...now go, make it even better!!!

Julia K said...

I think the story is a little light on the conflict side. Don't get me wrong I like the premise. Just right now it feels like porn without plot. Idk, that's just my humble opinion.

ilona said...

I would love to know what makes her unusual and if it plays a part in the long term relationship. Aside from that it seems a little light on story plot - it needs something more but I have no idea what *sorry*.

Gabby said...

I think it definitely has potential, and I sort of approve of the whole proposal in the middle of a climax thing I think it would be pretty humorous.

I also agree with what the others are saying though about adding a bit more meat into the characters back stories and maybe a little more conflict.

As for conflict, I was thinking you could try something like afterwards you could have Sally confirm what Harry said in the throws of passion and then have her reject his proposal then go from there and start talking about why Sally rejected him or something like that.

It's got potential and I know that you'll find a way to pull this story off somehow. Good luck with it!

kakuchouakisame_19(at)yahoo(dot)com

Joan said...

I think they sound... deranged. There needs to be more "get to know you" time.

Having them have a sweet internet/phone relationship would be boring to read.

It does need more conflict. If it were a Sandra Bullock movie, there'd be some sort of embarrassing event the morning after. He'd be her new client/the long lost brother of her repugnant ex/the opposing lawyer in her newest case/the dude that ran over her dog. Etc. If it were a Judd Apatow movie, she'd be pregnant or he'd have a sideline selling weed. If it were Nicholas Sparks, she'd have cancer. Something.

Unknown said...

Hi Lisabet,
so to answer your questions, i am going to answer the last one 1st(Is there anything you don't like about this story idea?) by saying that although there is not anything i did not like about the story idea i did have some questions and i left those below where i thought they fit best.

1)Would you like to read this story? Yes, it has the makings of a great story and sounds like something i would read/do read most of the time.

2) Do you think this story sounds sexy? It is definitely sexy,but it would need to be fleshed out quite a bit. For instance more background on the characters(is she the kind of women to sleep with a stranger? or is she the kind that takes things slower? when they were talking did they find that they knew each other from college/high school or they had mutual friend?)

3) Romantic? It is very romantic that he would fly out like that. However, how long did they call back and forth/email/visit each other before he decided he couldn't do the long distance thing? If it was just the one night then she would probably think this guy is a stalker or crazy rather than romantic. I say this because you write that she is a smart professionall women,and they tend to be very independent. This would scare her(most women) off if it happened after just one "date".Then to have him propose after they only had the one night together would really raise a lot of red flags. But if they had been seeing each other for a little while, and he proposed then it would be wonderful instead of creepy or scary.

i do have to agree with the other comments that it could use more conflict, but that could be something as simple as him/her having an ex that won't go away, one of them being in the D/s lifestyle and the other not or her having trust issues with how fast things are moving because of a past stalker/abuser.

of course these are all just my opinions and i love your books just the way you write them, so i am sure that i will love this one in whatever way it comes together. good luck!

Tammy Ramey
trvlagnt1t@yahoo.com

Tameka said...

I think the story starts off romantic you the too are a coast apart and they just happened to be at the same place at the right time. They meet and burn up the sheet. But the thing that would lock everything for me is if she got pregnant by accident in all that bed rompin. Then our heroine and hero would have to take there time and deal with some major issues. Also I agree that the hero shouldn't go to her place the following day. With the introduction of a child in the plot it takes a couple of weeks for our heroine to find out she's pregnant. By then both of them are pining for each other etc....I think this would be a good conflict because when he finally meets her and ask her to marry him she'll think it's only because he wants to be father and then they have go threw the process of falling in love

Tameka said...

I forgot to had my email with my comment. Lol rasco630@yahoo.com

hotcha12 said...

OKAY I LOVE THE STORY BUT IT NEEDS MORE DRAMA, MAYBE HARRY DOES NOT GET LEAVE FOR MONTHS BUT THEY CALL EACH OTHER AND TALK FOR HOURS RUNNING UP THEIR BILLS. I DON'T THINK SALLY PLAYED HARD TO GET INSTEAD OF JUMPING INTO BED WITH A STRANGER. MAYBE SHE OFFERS HIM HER GUEST ROOM AND THEY GO OUT DINING AND CLIMBING TO SEE IF THEY REALLY ARE SOULMATES.

lindarb49@hotmail.com

Kathryn Merkel said...

Would I read it? YES
Does it sound sexy? Another big YES
Romantic? Both the 2am surprise visit & the blurted marriage proposal make me think this guy has to be crazy about her & what's not romantic about that?

Definitely some potential in this story line, but like others have said, it does seem to be rushing to climax. Obviously this is just a snippet of an idea & will need to be fleshed out. In my opinion, what will make or break the idea is how much time passes between the hot monkey sex in the hotel & the 2am doorstep begging.

I would throw some crisis in there, like Harry losing her card after he calls Sally the first time, so he has to work to get in touch with her again & she starts to think he just wasn't that into her. And I totally agree with Word Actress, that Harry &/or Sally needs a name change.

Since I love everything of yours that I have read, I will be anxiously watching to see the end result of your tweaking.

Kathryn
drainbamaged.gyzmo at gmail.com

Lisabet Sarai said...

Hello, everyone,

Thanks so much for your feedback. I should have mentioned that this was an idea for a short story - not a novella or a novel. However, your ideas suggest that it should be expanded.

Keep commenting. You have till Monday!

Lisabet Sarai said...

Hello, everyone!

Thanks again for your comments. I've drawn a winner - it's SAVANNAH.

I should mention that when I met my husband, we were living on opposite coasts. I tried to get rid of him because with the distance, I figured it would never work.

How wrong I was!

Stayed tuned for more giveaways. In fact, if you haven't already, go to my Sunday Snog post to read how you can enter to win a ton of prizes!

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